I'll be your host!
by The Pig in the Striped Pijamas
Summary: Zetsu is in fan number one of Death, the show's host. Itachi has a teddy bear.Tobi can speak mentally with the Akatsuki's with the power of veggies and Kakuzu wears a...thong? Crack fic! Rated T for Teddy COMPLETE! Check last chappy for sequel info!
1. A is for Awakenings

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I'll be your host!

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**A is for Awakenings!**

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**So you may be asking, THE HELL! WHY are you writing this shit if you have to update You are my friend! But I simply love the Akatsuki toooo much to leave them aside. **

**Each chapter will have a letter of AKATSUKI, so the next chapter is K for… **

**So this is my first "funny" fanfic. I like comedies a LOT and I cant help adding a LITTLE of laughter to all of my stories. Somebody has to smirk.**

**Well, basically, I got this idea by randomly looking at stupid pictures of the grim and Naruto and suddenly I was writing madly a story about this stupid gut criminals. I am FANATIC not FAN but FANATIC of the all-handsome Akatsuki's (They are so evil yet so DAMNED hot xD!). This chapter is about the day of the show, they are all getting ready. I think the next chapter will be ready soon before long so don't worry if you are interested**

**-U-**

**Here you go!**

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It was noon and the Akatsuki were sleeping, planning murders and dancing belly dance in their five stars hotel they bought with Kakuzu's money. And no, he didn't now about it. In room number one were the infamous criminals , Kisame and Itachi. Itachi was in the queen bed doing his nails.

"Hey Kisaaa! Do you like my nails?" He had his teddy bear, Richard II in his crossed legs because he had just woken up. He flipped his hand but in vane because fish-man was in the bath tub.

"Wraaaaarrr!! Yeah, Itachi-san. They are great." He yelled obviously uninterested while playing with his dolls

"They are ACTION FIGURES." Oh, sorry.

Wile playing with his womanly action figures.

"Oh. My. GOD! Look at my CUTICLES! They are, like, SO damaged." Itachi squealed in horror when he contemplated at his nails again.

"I AM SUCH A _FALIUR!_" He sobbed. Kisame was in his Berry-Mush-A-Berry© ORIGINAL bubble bath.

"RWAAAAAAAR! "Oh NOOOO I'm being eaten by a gigantic BLUE MAN AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"" He made the do-er-action figures scream. ""OH NO! I'm BLEEEEDIIIING! MOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!"" Itachi, that was now trying to remove his cuticles, was failing miserably.

"Kisa! What should I do!? I cant see anything!" He wept. Kisame rolled his eyes and sighted to himself.

"Itachi-san, you aren't wearing your contacts!" He said in a reproachful voice. A dimmed light bulb appeared above Itachi's head. Ping!

"Oh YEEEEEEEEAH! I totally forgot! I'm soooo dumb! Duh!" He said, remembering. He eased the cloth of his ducky and rainbow PJ's and stood up to go to the toilet.

"Shit! Fuck! Stupid doorknob, hitting my tummy like that! Who the hell put this wall over here!" Itachi yelled every time he ran into something, that often occurred. Kisame was still in the bathtub playing with the longed-haired, rounded butted and thin legged action figures by the time Itachi reached to the bathroom and ran into the sink.

"Damned sink! Who _told _you to move like that!" Itachi opened the cabinet and took out a pair of little white circled containers. These contained two red contact lenses. He giggled as he saw the pair of them and Kisame stared disapprovingly.

"That's simply LAME." He let out in a sight.

"Kisa! Don't be so mean! You can talk about lametatistics when YOU are playing with blonde cheerleader barbies!" Itachi demanded. Kisame blushed deeply and splashed with his fists.

"THEY ARE NOT BLONDE CHEERLEADER BARBIES! THEY ARE JUST BLONDE ACTION FIGURES!! CAN'T NOBODY UNDERSTAND FREAKING THAT!" He yelled and suddenly the room's door opened and a female voice spoke.

"Take a chill pill, duuuuude." And then it slammed back.

"Ugh. KONAN. Damn, she is so cool!! NOT! I, and Itachi are so BEYOND cool!!" Itachi made Richard II say while he took his Sharingan contacts out of their case.

Kisame started going red for the fact that every Akatsuki living the life in the hotel had just found out that he plays with female "action figures".

"At least I don't have a Teddy bear…" He mumbled to his own entertainment.

Itachi looked at the red circles pleased.

"I am a master in illusion! And illusions are pretend things so I pretend I have my Sharingan on when I am really not! Like, DAMN COOLER THAN COOL!!" he squealed happily, taping his hand one with another. He put his contacts on and looked at himself in the mirror. He smirked and posed infront of until he got his mascara out.

"To be even cooler than KONAN!" He started using it in his reddened eyes and snapped his fingers to a gun.

"Hasta la vista baby!"

"Freaking weirdo." Kisame said, slapping his forehead.

"Can you go out please? I need to get out from the bath. I'm turning to a human raisin." He spoke again, pointing to the bathroom's door.

"Ok, Kisa! I'm going now!! Tootles!" Itachi responded and flapped his hand.

Wile our favorite S-ranked criminals played with pretty dolls and painted their nails, in the room next door there were our polite zombie friends.

"KAKUZU! LAZY DIPSHIT! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES I NEED TO TELL YOU THAT WE DO NEED FREAKING ELECTRICITY FOR THE FUCKING SHOWER GOD DAMNED YOU, YOU MISERABL BITCH!!" Hidan screamed his gut out because he was naked in the shower when it had suddenly turned off and the lights had gone off with them.

Kakuzu, that was in boxers counting money, lifted his head with disdain.

"I pay what I use. I don't bath. It's way to expensive, so pay it yourself." He responded and kept counting the golden coins. "Woah, this is serious bucks, man. And this is the first of the 4 bros! I'm going to be fucking rich when I kill them all!!" Kakuzu said madly to himself.

"FUCK! CUT THIS FUCKING CRAP YOU SHIT HEAD! THAT YOU ARE A SKANKY BITCH DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T PAY FOR THE FREAKING ELECTRICITY ONCE IN YOUR SHITY LIFE!'' Hidan yelled from inside the bathroom. He was muttering random stuff under his breath like , I am going to kill him, I need a plan to do that, I want some pancakes. He grabbed a towel and covered his lower body with it. He switched the switch but the light didn't turn on. He remembered and clucked his tongue angrily.

"OH MY FUCKING JASHIN! YOU FUCKING SLAG! WHERE THE HELL IS THE TOILET!" Hidan hadn't realized that the toilet had gone missing. Kakuzu sighted and kept counting. The masked nin was thinking in what was he going to spend his money. In another mask? In more thread? A thong? Those boxers already had 76 years and they were itchy. But they were cheaper than pajamas.

"I sold the toilet." He calmly responded. "And your hair gel too"

Hidan heard that and ripped his hair off "YOU SELLED THE TOILET ARE YO-wait, YOU SELLED MY FUCKING HAIR GEL!!" Hidan bellowed and the window finnaly cracked and then, it broke.

Kakuzu shook his head slowly and then said "I am not paying for those…"

"HELL YOU ARE, BITCH!"

"AH! I almost forgot. I E-Bayed your Jashin thingy too, it was worth around a million bucks, It's serious biz, man."

Hidan grabbed his scythe to cut Kakuzu's balls. He went out to get him.

"THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

And that was when, un amused, Kakuzu stood up and stretched his hand. The black thread that sewed Hidan's head to his neck was loosened up and Hidan's head fell to the ground.

"YOU SICK BASTARD!" Hidan screamed. "HOW COULD YOU SELL MY SHITY JASHIN NECKLACE! HE IS GOING TO CUT YOUR MISERABLE BASTARD GUTS OUT!! JUST WAIT AND SEE! JASHIN SHALL REPART HIS JUJDMENT AND KILL ALL THE GREEDY BITCHES LIKE YOU!!" Hidan was screaming his head out, no wait, his head was already out, so he was screaming his head in? The hell! , you know what I mean.

"Oh I am so scared." Kakuzu lied. He was laughing now because the sight of Hidan screaming at him like that from the floor ,looking so damn pathetic, was fun.

"YOU PUT MY HEAD BACK TO ITS PLACE, NOW!" Hidan ordered though Kakuzu wanted to blow him up. "I AM GOING A TO RIP YOUR BALLS OUT!" Kakuzu narrowed his eyes and grinned beneath his mask

"I have a better idea." Kakuzu's eyes glimmered and Hidan's face feared. "Wa…what's with that shity face!!" He asked cautiously, yet dumbly since Kakuzu was looking out the broken window. Kakuzu went there and poked his head out and then turned to look at Hidan's.

Hidan had realized and then he tried to back off, failing of course since he didn't have the limbs.

"NO WAY! YOU ARE NOT THROWING ME OVER THERE!" He yelled desperately. His eyes were round in surprise and Kakuzu got a steady hold of his scalp.

"OW! BITCH! YOU KNOW IT TAKES MY 20 MINUTES EVEY FUCKING MORNING TO DO MY HAIR PROPERLY!! YOU ARE MESSING IT UP, SHIT-DIP!!" Hidan's eyes were popping out of their sockets by the time Kakuzu was making measurements.

"DON'T!" screamed Hidan and that was when Kakuzu threw his head up to the air and kicked it so hard Hidan was screaming.

"GOD DAMNED YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!"

"Ok, back to biz." Kakuzu walked to were his table was.

"Man, SERIOUS bucks this bounty was…"

**xxx**

Sasori was still sleeping in his red and yellow room. It looked like a sun. Very bright, happy. Lots of rainbows and Teddies. Happy sunflowers fell from the ceiling.

It was 1 pm and Deidara was sipping away his tea in his special clay mug. He was sniggering under his breath until Sasori opened an eye. Deidara tried to dissimulate.

"Oh, I am so tired…" Sasori stretched, except something was missing.

"GOD DAMN IT! Isn't there ONE day in my life, Deidara, that I don't have to wake up with my leg in the other side of the damned room!?" He yelled irritably at the blonde.

"Actually, the other day it was in the garden, un." Deidara contained his laughter and responded as Sasori gave him a killer stare. "Sorry, Sasori-Danna, but I simply can't resist, un!!" He busted and jumped up and down in excitement, laughing.

"You are DONE for it." The red haired (Cof, cof Attractive cof, cof) ninja mumbled as he raised his arm to point at the tall blonde one, only his arm fell to his crossed good leg.

"DAMNED OVERSIZED SCREWS!" He screamed to himself.

"Sasori-Danna, you look hot when you are angry…unnnn" Suddenly Deidara blurted out sexily. Sasori gave him a blanc stare and his mouth suddenly smirked.

"And you when you are a bad boy." Sasori responded. Deidara smiled as Sasori tried to stand up and then remember his leg was missing.

"Can you bring me my leg, brat? Please?" He asked.

"Yes Sasori-Danna." The cute tall guy answered as he walked over to were the numb, cold and pale piece of plastic that Sasori called a "leg" was. He grabbed it and threw it to the bed.

"Ow." Sasori said as he asked for the screwdriver. Deidara sat on their large white bed and sipped at his tea once more.

"Well Danna, what are we to do today?" He asked, staring slightly over the ducky yellow mug again.

"Dunno, ask Pein. I just woke up, brat." Was his bitter response. Disappointed with it, he went to the toilet. He opened the cabinet and took out three things. Max Factor© Eyeliner, three different brushes and his Black Akatsuki Nail Polish.

"Well, Itachi SWEARS he is so cool. But I am COOLER! Hehehehe… He does his nails once a day, and I TWICE! Plus, He ONLY uses cheap mascara, I use Max Factor© Eyeliner! I brush my hair at night and in the morning soooo, suck THAT big bug eyes,UN!!" Deidara murmured under his breath, but Sasori heard him.

"Man, that kid is nuts…"

After several minutes/hours of hygiene his all rumbled up hair and his stuck-in-sweat fringe, became the Deidara we all know. Except for one thing.

"Just my robe and…TADA!" He cheered to himself. By this time Sasori was already but he missed something. Again. Guess what! His Hiruko puppet. Deidara came out of the bathroom and went to the again teapot to get some more tea and he noticed that.

"Sasori-Danna? What happened to Hiruko, un??" He asked calmly.

"Well, I send him to the dry cleaner. You know how much filth is to crawl in the floor all day?? I bet not, you just fly, lucky brat." He answered in an annoyed voice.

"I think you actually look better without it, Danna." Deidara tried to complement politely.

"You think? Oh, some girl told me that she didn't like my hair so I turned bad and hid in Hiruko the past 20 years. I am EMOOOO!!" As Sasori answered, he suddenly started sobbing and Deidara hugged him.

"Its gonna be alright. You are really hot, screw that girl. Who was it anyway?? Deidara tried to calm Sasori down since he was hysterically crying by now.

"She was blonde with long hair, and she was from the rock village." Sasori yelped.

_**Flashback**_

_20 years ago in the way to the from the Rock Village to Sunagakure (Sand village)_

"Dye your hair, match head!" A very girly looking blonde boy yelled.

_**And Sasori killed Sunagakure's Kage and turned evil.**_

_**End of Flashback**_

Deidara remembered that day he called match head to a boy that looked like Sasori and giggled to himself.

"That girl was a mean." And he kept on patting Sasori.

As Sasori cried the clock ran and Tobi did too.

"Zetsu-san!! BELLYFLOOOOOP!! **BOOM**." Tobi launched himself to where the attractive Zetsu (Meaning, he doesn't have his flytrap on) was sleeping.

"SHIT! TOBI, IM GONNA KILL YOU!!" White Zetsu said, intensely shocked by the movement, trying to get out of the bed.

"No Dumbass, you cant kill your ANOYING partner. Today is a SPECIAL day." Said Black Zetsu in a cutting tone. Tobi cocked his head and sniffed.

"But Tobi is a GOOD boy!!" The childish man complained. Zetsu looked at the partner he had kneeling in his chest and both of his sides screamed.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU LAZY ASS FACE!!"

The scream was so loud Tobi fell in his back on to the floor. Tobi started yelping.

"But…BUT I **AM** A GOOD BOY!!" He looked at, the now standing up, Zetsu. He was wearing a black and white checkered PJ's with the symbol of the Yin Yang in each of the little squares. Tobi stirred his head.

"Zetsu-san, I think you should change your pajamas, your making me dizzzzzzy." Tobi proposed as Black Zetsu barked his answer.

"And I think we should buy another bed, Tobi! You squirm way to much, you see. And I need to rest because, unlike you, I am a father."

Tobi stopped moving and looked cautiously at Zetsu that was going to where the window was.

"I present to you, my prideness!" And as he pulled the curtains, a set of beautiful flowers appeared. Tobi stared at Zetsu more confused than ever and this time it wasn't his pajamas.

Zetsu grabbed a hidden water bottle and started pouring it to the plants.

"Yeah, yeah. For my babies. You want Evian, don't you Rose?? Oh yeaaaaa, refreshhhhhhhhing!!" Both Zetsu's cooed to the line of miniature plants, each labeled with masking tape. Each of them had a name in them.

Tobi scratched his head and looked at the muscular white and black ninja that was, suddenly, talking to a row of motionless items.

"Hey, Zetsu-san, why is it today a special day??" Asked Tobi, trying to change the subject.

"Ask Pein. I am not allowed to tell you." White Zetsu spoke.

"Yes you are." Black Zetsu corrected.

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you a-" Black Zetsu teased. And suddenly the white hand slapped him.

"HEY!" He yelled and then Zetsu collapsed to the ground. The two parts of him fought on the ground. Tobi was now, disinterested, sitting down eating Zetsu's fave cereal. Veggie-o's.

Tobi sat quietly, eating his cereal in his special "I am an Akatsuki Idol©" pajamas. It was black with lots of red clouds in them. His orange swirl mask had a sticker in each of the swirls that said:

"I MADE IT!! I BACAME AKATSUKI!!"

His black painted nails had red Akatsuki clouds in them with a smiley in the center. He was wearing his typical black slippers with lots of red clouds, almost like polka dots. His black spiky hair was covered in a black fur hat with an odd cloth patch sewed in it with a red cloud in it.

"HEY!" Both sides of the tall and slim nin suddenly screamed. He was still on the floor, having a fight with himself. Zetsu pointed at the cereal and glared at Tobi.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU! THE VEGIE-O'S ARE FOR ME, AND THE CAPTAIN CRUNCH IS FOR YOU!" He screamed at the evident loss of the special maga-enourmous-super-supercalifragilisticexpialidociously-big-broccoli-queen-veggie-O, that TOBI had just eaten.

Tobi smiled with his mouthed completely stuffed with the enormous green marshmallow-like cereal muck, dribbling in his saliva.

"Zetsu-san, Tobi is a good- AHHHH ZETSU-SAN IS TRYING TO EAT MEEEEEE!!" He screamed as he ran to the bathroom and slamed shut the door before he was eaten by the freaky plant-man.

"Ugh. First, he screams about _cereal_, now he tries to eat me. Isn't there any piece here for a good boy to embrace??" Tobi said smartly to himself. He had two faces. One, was his public face. He was a right ass in front of people because he liked it but he was a **smart**ass when he was on his own. He knew complicated words like turbo-hyper-maxi-velocity and pudding.

Zetsu got rid of his clothes (A/N For all of my pleasure xD) and put on his giant plant on with his robe ontop.

"TOBI! Are you ready??" He yelled to Tobi as he knocked the bathroom's door.

"YEAH! Just wait for me to get ready!" Was his answer. Zetsu's sides, both slapped his head. Meaning he gave a double slap. Meaning it hurt.

"The hell…" Both sides spoke and left the room in despair, annoyed to the bone with Tobi.

…

"Tobi is a good boy!"

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**What!? Where the hell are Pein and Konan!  
**

**Well, they are already at the show, fixing stuff, killing people and eating marshmallows.**

**The fun part goes to the show. OH! Damn I have SO MANY fun stuff planed that I think I will write it NOW, right away.**

**-Lauren!**


	2. K is for Kakuzu's mental problem

**I'll be your host!**

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**K is for Kakuzu's mental problem

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****Wow! I didn't expect getting a review so FAST! Man I am so inspired, the inspiration is bubbling in my blood! In this chapter they are on their WAY to the show. They are outside their hotel and in their famous villains limo, going to the famous reality show I'll be your host!**

**Oh, hope you like it as much as my last one. Thank you all, reviewers and readers. :) **

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All of the criminals after their late daily routine of hygiene/stupidity, gathered themselves in the outsides of the hotel. It had a neon-bar decorated sign that said:

"The Akatsuki Lair!"

and it had an stupid plank untidily nailed beneath that said:

"and NO teh handzome, myighti, cute, ivil, slaughter murderers of the Akatsuki DO NOT liv here."

Kisame, one of the only sane members of the Akatsuki, sighted as he came out from the hotel with Itachi and the hidden-under-the-cloak RichardII. Tobi was there, waiting anxiously as he spoke with Zetsu.

"No, seriously, Zetsu-san, how **are** babies formed…"

"Well, that plank was definitely made by Tobi…" Kisame spoke heavily, and slapped his face for the second time that day.

Zetsu got the chance to walk to were Itachi was playing with RichardII, though he didn't notice, and where Kisame had been depressed himself over a plank.

"Well, Kisame, do you know if Lazy Town people are going to come, or not??" Zetsu asked with a cutting but noticeably relieved voice. His voice was really harsh and raspy. AHA! Maybe THAT was the reason he needed the nutritive Veggie-O's! But that noon, after his fit with Tobi, he had to comfort himself with super sugary Captain Crunch cereal.

Kakuzu eventually came down and everybody looked at him warily.

"What?" He asked as he looked at the staring eyes.

"Were is Hidan-san??" Asked Tobi in a wondering voice.

"Oh, him? I threw him out of the window."

Everybody paralyzed for a few seconds and then sighted in relief, after remembering that Hidan was immortal after all. Kisame interrogated not, since he was still slightly scarlet from the "action figure" incident. If he started scolding everybody, then, he would get teased and that was the least of his desires in that moment.

"Kakuzu-kun! Why don't you be a good boy like me and- AHHHH KAKUZU-KUN'S WEIRD LIVING THREAD IS CHASING MEEEE!!" Tobi screamed when Kakuzu had already lost his short patience with him.

After a wile of chasing and playing with teddy bears that no-one knew about except for Kisame, the last of the members of Akatsuki that were currently at the hotel, came down the stairs. Deidara, Sasori and Hidan came down the stairs and as they came to a point their bodies was fully seen, they could see that Deidara was holding Hidan's head above its body. Hidan's eyes were obviously looking for the masked nin and when he succeed his eyes opened widely in anger.

"YOU SKANKY ASSHOLE!!" He yelled and spat at the, now laughing, immortal. This time Hidan's eyes sprung right out of their sockets in disbelief, for real.

"OH MY FUCKING JASHIN! LOOK AT ME! I AM HERE, HEADLESS, FULL OF DOG SHIT, GRASS AND JASHIN KNOWS WHAT ELSE, AND NOW, EYEBALL LESS BECAUSE OF YOU! KAKUZU, YOU DIP-SHIT, I AM GOING TOO MURDER YOU ONE DAY, YOU WILL SEE!!" Hidan screamed. Kakuzu laughed even harder because his eyes were staring at him from the floor, out of their place but this time, he took **some** pity.

"Ok, Hidan. I will put your head back in place but you have to promise you wont kill us all in your rage attack." He said in a harder laugh when he imagined Hidan with his head stuck in pure dog shit.

"THE FUCK! YOU DON'T PUT CONDICIONS TO ME, PRETTY BOY!!" Hidan yelled and Kakuzu stopped laughing all at once.

"What you said?" Kakuzu asked dangerously calm.

"Ok,ok. I won't kill any off you, miserable bitches. Just stick my head in my shoulders please?" Hidan said with a shudder as a little of the black thread that was about to catch and kill Tobi, sewed his head back.

"Now, his eyes." Deidara said softly as he picked up the two slippery eyeballs and Hidan frowned.

"OW! BE CAREFULL, WOMAN BITCH!" Hidan screamed and Deidara flushed in anger. Fire struck in his eyes.

"DON'T YOU CALL ME WOMAN EVER AGAIN, UN!!" He yelled as he threw the eyeballs to the floor and squashed them with his feet.

"OMFGZOMGROFLLLLOLLLLZ!!" Kakuzu literally _cried _in laughter as Sasori picked up the mashed-eyeball pure that Deidara had done.

The eyeball, with the red iris that (_supposedly)_ was in the middle, frowned.

"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU FROWN IF YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE EYEBROWS!" Screamed Sasori to the eyeballs, as he hold the pure between two fingers, in disgust, as if he was holding shit.

Hidan had a blanc look in his face and, absent mindly, said:

"Fucking. Ow."

That made the whole little gang crack up laughing, except Hidan himself and Kakuzu that had wet his pants long ago, of course.

Eventually, Kisame, Itachi, Tobi (That had been saved by RichardII)and RichardII butted in the conversation.

"Well I have to tell you, dearies, I had this G-R-E-A-T ramen yesterday at the Hotz Spa the other day! And the service is JUST for a queen! Or king.Or both, like me!!" Itachi suddenly blurted out, as if anybody knew he was…kind of queer.

He received questioning stares, freaky ones and even eyeball-less ones.

Soon enough, the people broke the stares, startled, and suddenly Sasori revealed too.

"Well, I have to admit… I collect…" He created a suspense that made the air tense around him and his stupid partners. Between them, Hidan, that had stuffed the pure eyes back again but they just seemed mockingly wrong.

"PUPPETS!" He suddenly yelled with a nice-guy pose and everybody turned around disinterested, mumbling something, getting inside the just-arrived black and red clouded limo.

It was really big and spacey, with 10 seats in total.

"Oh I LOVE Akatsuki!" Tobi squealed as they got in. Sasori sat with Deidara, Itachi with Kisame, and so on. Until there were 3 spaces left. Except for the driver.

"For whom are **those**?" Tobi enquired and Zetsu answered.

"For Pein and-"

"Konan…" Finished Itachi with a gleam in his eye. He pulled out **evilly** the hidden RichardII out of his cloak. "We are so much cooler than the blue haired chick! Aren't we, RichardII??" Oh yes we are!"" He made his Teddy say. For the second time in the day, he received really disconcerting stares.

"What!?" He asked astonished. "Don't you have a cuddly toy of your own?!"

Everybody looked at him some more and then they started nodding and mumbling.

"Well yeah, I've got this SUPER comfortable Jashin symbol plush thingy that has enormous white eyes. I called it Mr.Fuk-U. If somebody touches it for more than 3 minutes, he, or she, dies! Isn't that fucking great!?" Hidan told the rest with unexplainable exitement. They all nodded and patted him in the back for his bravery.

"Though I couldn't find him yesterday…" He told the rest sadly.

_So THAT was what I E-bayed! Lucky me I put I wouldn't accept any devolutions!!_ Thought Kakuzu.

_Hello!_

_  
Wha…what the…? Who the hell…!!_

_It's Tobi! Kakuzu-kun!_

_  
How the…!!_

_With the psychic power of the special-maga-enourmous-super-supercalifragilisticexpialidociously-big-broccoli-queen-veggie-O I ate this noon! Do you guys REALLY think I eat that crap for the hell of it?? You are nuts…_

Kakuzu suddenly broke the chat. Confused, he looked at Tobi and then listened at what the people were discussing.

"…And I've got this sock fish called Scalywag. He is so warm at night! Almost as warm as Tachi's-" Kisame spoke out for the truth and then shut up, leaving us **totally** out of the statement that he was at least a little bit **sane**.

"And I collect little clay Jesica Alba's. I have 3200 in total! They are in 100 different costumes with 32 different poses EACH!!" Deidara screamed, happy now that somebody understood him and his secret art pieces.

"And every time I am pissed off I blow shit up!! Un!!" He casually added, thinking no-one knew **that**. But everybody did so no-one paid attention. Kakuzu recalled what Tobi said and then asked Zetsu.

"Hey, what is that shit, errrr… cereal thingy called special maga-enourmous-super-supercali-I don't give a crap of the rest-big-broccoli-queen-veggie-O??" Zetsu darted a killer stare towards Tobi, that didn't saw it because he was to busy drinking his "vodka" smartly.

"Tobi, cut the crap. We all know its not vodka, its obviously water." Hidan said as he snatched and drank a sip. He suddenly started wobbling like a fish out of the water, and then he fainted.

"Crap." Zetsu said when he saw the body. He shook his head and then continued talking. Hidan's body shook to the floor and no-one cared enough to lift him up. Kakuzu wondered who the hell was Tobi for real.

"Tobi, what the hell was that??" He asked and Tobi shrug.

"I guess an thunder jutsu might have **slipped** my hand…"He said in an innocent voice.

Kakuzu stared at his masked organization partner.

The rest of the Akatsuki didn't have much to say. Sasori slept with Sandaime Kazekage's puppet and Itachi with RichardII. Zetsu, slept with his pajamas and he refused to say more.

"Hey guys, " Itachi said, recovering his manly side. "Lets guess with what Orochimaru slept or still sleeps with!" He proposed. Everybody sniggered and miraculously they seemed to be taller and an excessive shadow cast in their faces as they laughed evilly. Except Tobi, that stood aside and watched that the freaking weirdo of Kakuzu had been selling portable torches in that last second of enjoyment.

_How does he do that? _Tobi wondered

I have my ways…AHH!! THE DEVIL HAS FINNALY GOING TO CRAWL TO MY BED AND EAT MEEEE!!

_No, you ass face. It's Kakuzu._

_Oh… AHHH! KAKUZU-KUN HAS FINNALY GOING TO CRAWL TO MY BED AND EAT MEEEE!!_

_.._.

How do YOU do that?

_I ate the special maga-enourmous-super-supercalifragilisticexpialidociously-big-broccoli-queen-veggie-O that Zetsu had hidden in the very back of Alice._

_Who the hell is Alice!?_

_Alice is his plant.._

_  
………………_

_AHHH! That big thingy he always caries! Oh, Kakuzu-kun! You are a good, smart, boy!_

_Whatever._

And they broke contact again.

_The power of the veggies…_ Kakuzu thought to himself as he made sure there were no more intruders in his filthy rich mind. If he kept talking in his head he was going to turn even more wicked. And he wasn't sure that attracted money. Nor chicks. If it did, then he didn't bother.

PUDDING!

**xxx**

Pein had his 6 bodies out and he was playing Ini-meney-miney-moe with them.

"What body should I choose…" He told Konan.

"Just choose any, fast." She said in a voice that **screamed** she couldn't care less.

"I need to choose one… But I don't know who…" He spoke with his monotone, deep voice.

"Pick. A. Fucking. Body. Quickly." She said cuttingly calm. Pein didn't care and kept flickering his finger at them.

"I would. If I had the actual power of controlling myself…" He answered annoyed.

_**WARNING! THE ZTUPID CHICK WRITING THIS STORY HAS GONE COMPLETELY MAD!!**_

Suddenly Pein had an urge to dance. He grabbed Konan by her waist and started moving his hips in circles, taking of his cloak he uncovered his belly.

"**BELLYDANCE!!" **He screamed and started dancing belly dance with Happy Konan!

Ok, this NEVER happened. I just wanted a little more stupidity :D

"True…" Konan replied. "But tell her to hurry you up."

"HURRY ME UP!!" Pein screamed to the cement covered sky and suddenly his decision was made firm.

"I am choosing, that one…" He said pointing to the one with a pony-tail. The body started to jump up and down with excitement and then it stopped when Pein concentrated his full self in it.

"Now I am ready, Konan." He finally said in his unique voice. It was smooth as silk yet so steep like a descending mountain.

"Are the others going to come, dude? I mean, they are taking ages and my ass is turning square. AND, my butt crack has been filled with my butt cheeks for waiting sitting down so much time." Konan grunted and then got her knotted hair.

"I am to lazy to keep it nice and tidy so long..." She said as she pulled the tie that made her hair neat, making is cascade in her shoulders like pure cerulean water.

Pein stared at it with his apparently bored eyes. He was so calm, cold and SO fucking emo, yet he felt secret hot and passionate love for his companion, and that gesture she had just made, made him hard to hide. He **could** manage, but it was really difficult.

In an effort not to sweat or talk, he sighted lots and moaned too but Konan noticed vaguely, so she made a cautious, gentle and delicate question.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, dude??"

Pein contained his un-evident laughter beneath his spiraling eyes.

"Nothing, now get off and work, or else I kill you for incompetence." He scowled and, to his dis-surprise, Konan simply stood up and, relaxed, continued arranging the things she had too, like the papers before the show and stuff.

"Hey Pein, is Sasori's chauffeur actually going to pick them up? Its been long since he called." Konan asked. Pein didn't know who the heck was the chauffeur.

"Who the heck is the chauffeur…" He "asked" in his deep monotone.

"A chauffeur is a guy that drives a car and he goes to one place to another and…"Konan started explained and then cracked up. Pein stared at her with a dagger-sharp stare. Konan didn't cut it out immediately but her busted gut had faded away and a few snorts of laughter remained.

"It's that weird Yuura guy…" She answered between coughs and laughs.

Pein suddenly remembered and then he regretted his interest.

"Hn…" He hummed to himself and then continued doing his stuff.

**xxx**

The classy villains of the Akatsuki were a few minutes away from their destination and they saw that lots of people were taking them photos. Kisame ignored the rude remarks and comparisons the people made and Tobi happily posed for them.

"This maybe was not a good idea after all…" Kisame huffed sadly under his breath so, that way, only Itachi heard.

"Yeah it was. You are as beautiful as anything." Said Itachi, still with his manly side on. Kisame collapsed to his arms and hugged him close and Itachi just embraced him until the limo gave a jerky movement. Tobi spilled his "Thunder vodka".

"The fuck!?" Asked Sasori, looking at Yuura, his emo eyes looking madly at him.

"Sorry Sasori-sama but it seems like the police has seen us." Yuura reported and all of the Akatsuki turned around at the same time and asked in astonishment.

"The Police!?" Tobi was the only one of the group who was actually happy.

"THEY ARE MY FAVE BAND!! Ugh!! faint " He fainted and all of the people sighted.

"Damn. What are we gonna do now??" Asked Sasori and soon enough his answered was conceived.

"Well I think we should inform him is not the actual band and throw him a glass of water..." Yuura proposed and Sasori slapped hi head with his hard "hand".

"NO ASS FACE! I MEAN THE POLICE!" Sasori screamed his inexistent gut out.

Yuura looked at him, embarrassed for his dumbness.

"I'll go real fast. You ok??" Yuura asked Tobi

"Bring it OOOOONNNN!!" Sasori screamed when Yuura pushed his feet with all of his might in the accelerator and the Akatsuki's heads bashed against the windows a couple of times.

"I THINK IM SMASHING MY BRAINS OUT…UUUUNNNNNN!!" Yelled Deidara, with his voice mixed up by the supernatural speed if the Akatsuki-mobile.

"WHAT BRAINS!?" Screamed bitterly Sasori.

"YOU'VE NEVER HAD ANY BRAINS!" Hidan added to the conversation too, after he luckily woke up. He kicked hard Tobi's faint body.

"HE DISERVED THAT!!" He screamed because the speed was inter-galactical now.

The car stopped all of a sudden and the criminals all crushed what was in front of them.

"Whe…whe…wheeeeere the heeeeell aaaaare wwweeeee?…?!…?…!? Asked Hidan as he felt his own brains had been drained out. Yuura was exceptionally fine and he answered.

"In China…" And all of the Akatsuki joined Tobi in the nice, spacey floor.

**Hehehehehe! Akatsuki are in China…! Lolz, don't worry, they ARE making it to the show, its just…I felt inspired as HELL today, I don't know why. I wrote it all of it today and I am tired. So I am going to sleep, but first I need to comment on the reviews. 3 in matter of HOURS. WOW, not used to it. But I cant say I don't like it… **

**Monkey-Ninja101 – Hey! Thank you very much I tried to make it a little bit funny in the first chapter, but I didn't know you would like it so much! Is not that I don't like it, is that I simply didn't know. I always wonder how do they sleep, where and even how. Its really interesting creating my own scenario and the slight change of my twisted imagination. Thanks again for the review!**

**im.osem- I am with you so much girl!! Viva Akatsuki's! Don't need to apologize, I am crazy for them too so I guess we are both Akatsukitards. Zetsu is not CUTE he is DAMN ( I mean D-A-M-N) HOT!! Have you seen his freaking BODY! I would totally erase the plant and eat him right away! And, yeah, I will be looking forward so **much **to look at your fics! I love any kind of fine fics but if you need any help with beta reading, here is me! Just don't ask me to check grammar. English is my second language, you see. Well thanks anyway **

**Gaaragirl312- So you like the two "polite" Akatsuki's?? I love them too! I love them all actually… I will make more parts like that for you if you wish, I enjoy doing them right to my medulla. I love the violence that acquire humor! I simply need some help coz I haven't analyzed their characters **too** much yet. I wish for the anime to come out soon so I can see them in motion!! Kakuzu is fine too, I guess he is the "peacefull" one in comparison so I guess they are a good combination.**


	3. A is for American ol' style

**I'll be your host**

* * *

**A is for American ol' style**

* * *

**WHOOOO!! I am inspired again! Tomorrow, holidays! Perfect day to make a funny-ass story…!!**

**ZOMG! Now that I remember, some of the funny parts are an extract of my real life experiences, thanks to my peals-of-laughter friend, Camila. So its only fair if I put the credits for her too, so here. Thanks for reading/reviewing again :) **

* * *

uura looked at the bodies in the limo's floor. He stared and stared. And stared and stared. And stared and blinked and breathed. And then he scratched his ass and after that he said…

"…town…" to complete his sentence.

**-x-x-x-x-**

It was 4 o'clock and Yuura was now back from the Sushi bar. He had this great sushi but cost him a lot of money so he had to stay to wash the restaurant's dishes. The shocked bodies still laid there and Yuura shook Itachi's.

"Itachi-sama…Itachi-sama!" He tried to make him wake up and, to his surprise, he succeeded.

"UH!!" Itachi yawned and stretched at the same time. He took a dim look around with his just-woken-up eyes. The mascara he had applied was a tiny bit smudgy of the tears yawning had produced.

"Oh, that was a n-i-c-e! Beauty sleep, done!" He said, obviously, returning to his womanly side. Itachi's yawns and stretches were waking Hidan up, who was twitching his head in discomfort.

"Hmn…fuck. Five more minutes mom. Or I will fucking kill you…" He mumbled to his wicked self. Without any warning he hastily opened his eyes, as if a tiger was about to eat him or (as I like remembering) like if Kakuzu laughed at him…( XD ). He looked around and found Yuura and Itachi sitting on the floor of the Akatsuki-mobile, looking at him with a WTF face. He sat down and felt with his that the limo's floor was wet. He looked sleepily.

"OH SHIT! KISAME IS FUCKING DROOLING ON ME!!" He screamed and, with his unconsidered loud whines, the rest, except of the happily fainted Tobi, quivered in fear in their sleep, until they harshly woke up.

"THE HELL!, HN!" They all screamed at the same time and glared angrily at Hidan, except Tobi. He was a good, "asleep", boy. And Itachi. That was already awoken.

"Sorry, is just…Kisame, you fucking drool, man…" He apologized as he sweared to his slobbery partner. Kisame wiped the drooping saliva with his wrist and smiled idiotically.

"Sorry, I was thinking in Tach…errr…my wonderful sword!!" Kisame laughed, this time nervously and every body sweated their big-sweat drop.

"No fucking wonder…" Hidan whispered to Kakuzu, and they both tittered in a low voice. Sasori that was with his emo eyes wide open, like a puppet (rolls eyes), looked, annoyed, over at the ignored Yuura.

"Why the freaking hell are we in shity China?!" He enquired pickily and Yuura backed away with a scared face.

"Well, it has some great food, you know, Sasori-danna…Hn…" Deidara casually intervened.

"I said we were at China**town **, Sasori-sama…" Yuura corrected. "Only you fainted before I could finish my sentence…"

Deidara nodded and said in a voice of agreement.

"It has still great food, hn."

Tobi woke up in a relaxed movement and settled in a hunched-back position wile he sat with his legs crossed and smiled stupidly.

"WHAT TIME IS IT!" He screamed loudly and, soon, everybody was tainted in nervous scream.

"Oh my god, he is right! If we get a minute late, the Death will kill us, hn!!" Talked thoughtfully Deidara.

"Good he can't kill me, so fuck you all, fucking bitches!!" Hidan said satisfactorily as everybody scowled at him for the second time that minute.

"I don't want to be killed by a bad boy like Death…" Tobi was saddened by that and started to sob. Everybody ignored him and looked at Yuura.

"Errhm…We still have time!!" Yuura said in a bouncy tone and the sun raised and every body applauded with all of their mighty power.

"But we can't get that fast if we go to get gas…" He killed the cheers.

"But **how** are we going to go then!?" Asked Deidara every so concerned by the lack of flying mobility.

"Oh great. I really wanted Alice to meet Death…" White Zetsu moaned.

Everybody set their minds in the possible answer. And suddenly a hand stuck up and waved.

"**I KNOW HOW!**" Tobi screamed. The gang circled around Tobi as he excitedly twisted in the floor.

"This is the GREATEST idea, EVER! I am a really good boy!" He squealed like a school girl before explaining his idea.

**x-x-x-x-x-x**

"HEY! CAN'T YOU FUCKING STOP!? I WAS BEING NICE, YOU BASTARD! Pull over, I said, PULL OVER!" Hidan screamed at a big white van driver that just pulled the middle finger upon him.

"Man, how the hell could we stoop so **low**?" Asked Black Zetsu in a miserable tone. "I can't believe we are actually **listened** to Tobi's idea…" He looked troubled by his own.

"But Zetsu-san! Auto Stop is a **great** idea!!" Tobi wobbled like a jelly because he was happy and because he wanted to go for a wee. He thought about Deidara. He knew Deidara was secretly in love with him. He knew he thought Tobi was so hot for him. And that he thought Tobi liked his blonde, manly hair and his eyes. He knew Deidara was just waiting the right moment to reveal himself. He knew it.

Not that HE liked Deidara. No, good boys are not gay. He just liked the idea of being liked.

"Deidara-senpai! You are proud of my idea, aren't you!?" He asked, happiness in his loudness. Deidara was actually very amazed because he, could not come to **any** idea, specially when it came to flying sources. Is not like he could produce enormous flying birds.

"Actually, Tobi. I am pretty amused. I think this is the greatest idea that has ever spilled its limits in your cork-sized brain. Hn!" Tobi stopped bouncing and felt touched. He even liked the part he insulted his brain.

He would have hugged him if, for any chance, he wasn't in the middle of a desert where no-one knew how the hell they got stuck in and Hidan wasn't practicing his bloody ritual with a van driver that failed to pull over when Hidan asked, no wait, screamed him to.

"Hehehehe…!" Was the only our young minded S-ranked "criminal" could say and thumbed the highway. Kakuzu was counting money in his mind with the power of veggies and Zetsu was talking to himself . Sasori asked Kisame, that was whining because his fish needed some food and clean water, to undo him until they came to the show. Itachi played with RichardII and Hidan drank the _rude_ driver's blood.

After a wile Kakuzu stopped counting money and then looked around.

" Hey, where the hell are we??" He asked and Deidara answered.

"Doing Auto Stop ye ol' American way." And Kakuzu looked at him with a stare of unbelief.

_Oh hell, __**Deidara**__ doesn't know how to get to a place, fast?? We are shity doomed. _Kakuzu thought.

"Deidara, can you look at your hands, can you tell me what they have?" Kakuzu asked and Deidara looked at the panting tongues that came out of his palms. He staread at them as they panted and panted and Deidara just realized.

"They have mouths!" He tried in an intent to focus in Kakuzu's question.

Kakuzu made a gesture that made his point evident for most of the _normal_ people. If you could call a very woman like, crazy, shit-blower, missing ninja, _normal_.

"Yeah, so what?"

"Yeah, you have clay??" Deidara was confused. Was he trying to make fun out of him??

"Yeah…"

"Soooo… Clay + Clay eating mouths …"

"Uhhhhh…"Deidara thought and Tobi screamed.

"Puddin-AHHHH!! KAKUZU-KUN'S WEIRD THINGYS ARE CHASING ME AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!"

"Uh…Clay figures??" Deidara guessed. Kakuzu almost asked Hidan to lend him his weapon to kill himself.

"We can _fly _in your bad made stupid birds. Hard nut you are, aren't you, Deidara??" Kakuzu asked calmly, stating his obvious point, and Deidara ahhhed.

"Ahhh!" He said and then turned angry. "HEY!"

"Right! Oh Kakuzu-kun, you are such a smart good boy!" Tobi turned his head as he was chased by the black thread. Tobi had already thought of it but didn't know Deidara-senpai could made _birds_. He thought he could only make giant Deidara-senpai's and he didn't think that a giant Deidara would be discrete. Reason they had been in a Chinatown in a not-known place and **now** were stuck in a desert no-one knew it even existed.

"Don't call me boy. I am older than your grandma." Kakuzu stated and then Tobi laughed.

"The hell you are not! My grandma was 1290 B.C and she still lives. She was the first woman to walk in earth, the reason why I am SUCH a goooooood boy!" Tobi neatly told Kakuzu. Kakuzu just gave him a blanc stare.

"…"

"Ok I will make my birds. But-"

"I WANT A PENGUIN!" Deidara was interrupted by the stupid remark of his very **very** stupid partner.

"Tobi. Penguins do NOT fly." Deidara tried to tell him, yet he didn't listen. He started chewing the clay with soft chomps, in a way it looked so classy as his black painted nails.

"I am going to name him Flackinstain! And…and…!" Tobi talked to his over-exited self. He was talking as if he was mad or something. Why didn't Tobi get that art needed it's silence and grace? The arts are the most precious gift a person could make or even think about!! Arts needed their time, their mare concentration.

"Tobi, you didn't' ate the sugar lumps at the Lair's restaurant, didn't you?" Dediara asked with annoyment.

"I think he is having a sugar rush…" Kakuzu added to make Deidara even more pissed off. He did it successfully and laughed mentally as Tobi jumped up and down wile he ran for being chased with the living thread.

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-**

The motioning jaws chomped as dawn bathed them in pink and orange light. The Akatsuki needed to be at the show by 6 o'clock and it was 4 pm. It was winter so our heroes/criminals were now freezing to the bone in the winter crisp cold, most of all Hidan, that wasn't wearing shirt. Like always. Only sissy men wore shirts, right Hidan??

"Fucking yeah!"

That was a rhetorical question… Well anyway…

Tobi, who's legs were falling into pieces for being chased 2 hours in a row, was waiting politely for Deidara to finish his "greatest and finest master piece" which, he believed, was going to be the greatest and best artwork Deidara was going to do in a lot of time.

_Deidara-senpai ALWAYS made great work_. Tobi thought kindly of his traveling partner.

_I love the way he makes his art. It's so… arty! _He kept thinking. He knew Deidara-senpai was a good boy/girl/whateverthefuck because when they were alone, eating or at the hairdresser, he treated Tobi in such a friendly way, that made him feel like a REALLY good boy. And for good reasons too.

"Deidara-senpai!" He yelled, his tongue sticking out in tiredness underneath his cover.

"Hn??"

"May I ask you a question??" He said kindly as he kept on chewing.

"You've already did, hn…" Deidara said as an acid joke and Tobi's smile was hidden.

" Do you think I am annoying?" He asked sickly saddened up. Deidara looked at his partner, shocked by the sudden questioning.

"Well, sometimes you can be a right pain in the ass…Hn…" He said. Tobi's head just bolted down.

"But! Most of the time you are nice and funny, I guess… Hn…" He ended and Tobi thought he was maybe falling for him after all.

Maybe I am falling for him after all…

Wile he thought, he saw that Kakuzu was asleep in a very comfortable bed made out from his black thread. Tobi stopped dead.

Tobi realized that the last hour and a half he had just ran for the sake of it so next he collapsed on the ground. His leg muscles burned because he had been running like mad. He was tired, so he asked something again.

"Are you going to be ready soon, senpai??" He asked Deidara that was almost finish chewing the clay.

"Yeah, hn…"

**xxx**

Hidan was long done with his ritual and he had a big hole in his chest, leaking blood like a broken pipe and he was sitting on a rock with his legs open like a **man** would sit like.

His red eyes had a long-last transparent look upon their blanc stare. He wasn't looking at something, he just looked at its direction. A lot of different thoughts came across his mind without him noticing as he sat there. His cold metal Jashin symbol hung from his chest and wavered with the wind, bumping his cold chest each time.

He thought of Kakuzu. What did he thought about Kakuzu? That he was a bastard. He shity was and no-one would change his greedy guts and even the same Kakuzu knew that. Only he enjoyed it. Hidan did not. Hidan really didn't care much actually. He didn't care at **all**. He just liked to whine. Whine, whine, whine. It was his hobby. It was his second favorite thing to do. He loved whining. He liked the anoyment it produced to the rest of the people he didn't care about and even the ones he did.

What did he think of Zetsu or Big Alice, as he liked to call him?? Not much. He obviously worked out. He had seen him without Alice in Golden Gym. And hell it was noticeable. It was just a little **too** freaky he could talk to himself and get into _fights_. Hidan always voted for Black Zetsu because he always won. And because black was evil. And because evil was his hobby too.

Tobi… No comments on him. His annoying ass was squeezing the patience out of him and he didn't like it. He just want to blast his ass to another place.

Deidara! He was a she. He just knew it. He could NOT be a man and have such a womanly look! Hidan just pleaded for him to cut his hair. Why did he had to squash his eyeballs such a violent and sick way!? It fucking hurt. The pure he had made was afterwards cured by his unique super-quick healing body. He was almost as annoying as Kisame. Though Kisame wasn't annoying, Hidan thought. Kisame and Sasori actually were pretty quiet to him. He just thanked Kisame because he stayed Itachi out of his way. He thanked Sasori because he had stuck him out of that shit he had been stuck, thanks to Kakuzu, back in the hotel.

"Hidan, what are you doing? You look like if you were dead." Kisame touched his barely covered shoulder in an intent of being kind.

"Yeah, whatever." He answered with disinterest. Kisame was actually really nice.

"I really have the urge to shave something…"Kisame suddenly said. Hidan stayed looking at him with an unknowing face.

"Shave? You mean like, Gillette and stuff? Are you a barber?? Oh hell. That's fucking great." Hidan spoke with an angry tone.

"No, red shit. I mean, you know. Samehada… The only sword that…shaves…" Kisame reintroduced to Hidan's small brain. Hidan mouthed "ahh" as he nodded silently.

"Ah…" Hidan said afterwards. He was somehow disinterested and it was hard to complain.

"It's ready, hn!" Deidara called suddenly after finishing a great 100 clay owl.

"Can I call him Flackinstain!?" Sugar-rushed Tobi screamed and Deidara knew what the consequences of refusing were. Tobi would have clung to him until he accepted and that was something he refused to loose time in.

"Yes you can, Tobi. You can." Deidara answered calmly and Tobi still engrossed him after all. Kakuzu woke up.

"Did someone said money??" He asked and when everybody said no, even Itachi that didn't know what the hell he had refused to, he returned to his sleep.

"But Kakuzu, the transport is ready. Hn." Deidara alerted him and he rubbed his eyes.

"Oh, Ok. I'll go…" He stood up.

All of the Akatsuki's, except for Sasori that was undone in Kisame's bag, were now standing up looking at the great pale beige owl's face that was standing with greater height above their heads. Itachi covered his eyes because the dawn's sun was stinging in his eyes and soon everybody did the same.

The owl kept his view to the sun and flapped his wings. Hidan looked at it with disgust.

"And how are we going to get ontop of that bitch?" Asked Hidan. Deidara looked at him with anger and sadness.

"He is going to lean." Deidara responded between gritted teeth. Kakuzu shook his head.

"Nope. I am going by myself." He said as his thread turned to a pair of handy long legs. Deidara turned around his head slightly and clucked his tongue in an I-don't-care-what-you-do manner. Kakuzu slowly reduced the height of his black new pair of legs and he softly landed on the owl's back.

"WOW! Great view from over here, man!" He said from up there as he waved. "We'll be there in no time!"

Deidara looked up and smiled for the compliment. Itachi, that was talking to RichardII about how much he needed some tea, looked at the owl's hollow eyes with his Sharingan. He mentally commanded him to lean for him to climb and the hypnotized clay bird did what he ordered.

"Hey, guys!" He waved to as a signal for them too climb on too. They all did, specially Tobi that was in the peek of his unusually long sugar rush. Hidan had asked him what in the name of shity god had he eaten and Tobi revealed he had eaten the annual sugar supply of the Lair.

"Oh my god. And **I** that was planning the perfect tea party!" Itachi said in a sorrowful voice as the people rolled their eyes.

Soon, everybody was on but there was something bad about it.

"Deidara…" Kisame said, beads of sweat in his forehead.

"Yeap hn?" He answered calmly since he was standing in the owl's head wile the rest were squashed skin-tight down at the owl's back.

"You are a lucky bitch, you know that?" Kisame said, envying Deidara's "freedom". He laughed at the squashed blue man and then he nodded.

"I know, hn."

Tobi had calmed down because Kakuzu had threatened him to choke him with the thread and he was happy someone as nice and comprehensive as Itachi was sitting infront of him. When Tobi felt like if he was going to fall, Itachi let him hug him. He knew Itachi was a good boy.

"Thanks, Itachi-san!" Tobi said once and Itachi had said he actually liked hugs from other than Kisame.

Kisame was squashed between the owls head and Hidan, that kept whining about everything and he was starting to get fed up with him. Kakuzu was squashed between Hidan and Itachi, that was a quite good position for a sleepy villain to be. Kakuzu closed his eyes and went to sleep and soon, the rest of squashed Akatsuki's did too.

Deidara looked at them with angry but satisfied eyes and said in a whisper.

"And you say **I** am the lucky bitch, hn??"

**

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**

Next chapter they will arrive surely to the show but JUST in time so check out, I'm in vacations now so I will update soon!


	4. T is for this is your host

The five of the six mashed villains were drooling on the owl's limbs and their slobber was being taken by the wind to plant-fa

**I'll be your host**

**T is for This is your host**

**Hehehehe! This chapter will be extra long because they are half outside the show and half inside. From when the show starts , the parts are going to be separated by the time the stuff occur. I am happy coz I have lots of fun stuff to write! Ok so here it starts the KakuHida stuff. And no, nothing really occurs. Lolz, Im happy!**

The five of the six mashed villains were drooling on the owl's limbs and their slobber was being taken by the wind to plant-face and Zetsu was just wondering when were they going to arrive to the show so his precious Alice could have an autograph of death. Actually, he was wearing a T-shirt underneath his cloak that said "I wuv the death!". He was silent because he hadn't eaten his cereal and that cereal, helped him to survive the day.

Deidara stood sexily as he always does, looking at the horizon , with his tincking hat over his fringe, that tanned his skin a faded orange. They were closer to their destination now and he smiled. The buildings were starting to be visible now. He was thinking about his next sculpture. What was he going to do? A fruit basket? A bottle? A basketball? A basketball… it reminded him of a swirls and orange. Swirly orange…as Tobi's mask…

_Hello, senpai!_

_AH! WHO IS IT, HN!_ Deidara thought scared. He lost balance and barely made it for him not to fall from the bird.

Tobi! I come when somebody thinks about me! Isn't that great!TH…How the hell you do that!

_With the power of veggies. And electric vodka, obviously!_

_Hn…………?_

_Hey, senpai, why were you thinking about me?? _

Deidara looked over his shoulder and saw that Tobi was snoring. How did he talked in his dreams with another person, was beyond his knowledge. Tobi couldn't know that he felt something for him. He didn't know why he had fallen for a stupid, annoying, stupid, not-art-loving, "ninja". He thought he loved Sasori-danna but suddenly, during the day he had discovered that Tobi could be pretty…well, he didn't actually know. He just felt what he felt. He thought a quick answer.

_I wasn't thinking about you. I was thinking of stupid people, hn. _Was his auto-inflictive acid answer. Tobi fell silent in his head and he felt an unmerciful stab in his chest. He hated himself for being such a coward.

**xxx**

Itachi suddenly woke up, with a sudden impression of disaster. Nothing had happened but he had a bad impression. Tobi was clinging tightly, very tightly to his waist and he blushed. He thought **why** had he blushed, because as far as it concerned him, he never did. He then saw Tobi was asleep. He sighted to himself and then saw something strange happening before his eyes. He was coming closer to him, meaning, his hip was pushing forward to where Itachi was and his masked face brushed his covered shoulder. Itachi felt a little **invaded** but he didn't do much to stop it. Tobi was crossing his legs on Itachi's and then Itachi felt the bird give a violent shake. It moved so briskly he fell. He started screaming. He screamed and screamed as he fell and fell. Kisame woke up immediately and then stretched his hand with a nice purpose, but he failed and fell as well. As they both fell Deidara, surprised, tried to make his bird to go and Kisame almost fell on top of Itachi. Kisame suddenly started poking Itachi. Itachi was panting and Kisame poked. Poked and didn't stop and then Itachi closed his eyes when he was about to kill himself as he crashed to the ground, and when he opened them back, He found he was holding a steady grip on Kakuzu's waist and Tobi was nervously poking him.

"Itachi-san!! What happened!?" Tobi asked and Itachi, startled, looked around.

"Wha…"

"You were screaming wile you were sleeping!" He told, sacredly, to Itachi.

"It was a dream??"

"It was. Now, could you get **off**??" Kakuzu assured, irritated by the sudden grip. "You can easily squash my brains out if you hold me so hard."

Itachi looked at Tobi, that was already singing.

"The shit! Eat bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S! THE SHIT! Eat bananas! B-" Itachi looked at him surprised. He liked when Tobi hugged him. He did, but he knew something was up with Deidara. He knew Deidara liked Tobi. It was obvious for him. And he wasn't gonna create more hatred. He could stay with Tobi if he really wished too. Only he wasn't sure about if Deidara liked Tobi **AND** Sasori.

"Hey Deidara, are we going to get there??" He asked desperately. Tobi had told him he needed to go for a wee.

Deidara glared at him because he had almost fallen from the bird again with his loud unconscious screams.

"Yes, we are going to get there in 5 more minutes. And, are you fucking alright!? You almost killed me, hn!" He screamed and Kisame, Kakuzu, Zetsu and Hidan nodded.

"Yeah, me too!" They all agreed.

Time was passing slowly on the owl. The breeze felt refreshing, seeing the wispy white clouds in the sky, so near them. Tobi's sugar rush re-appeared and he saw in the sky lollipops, unicorns and a whole bunch of other gay shit.

Deidara flew for five more minutes and then spotted the Television chain's building.

"EUREKA, HN!" He screamed and then he pulled over his eyes his sexy straw hat. "This will be the best fucking ride of your lives, so prepare to wee yourself to wee your pants, HN!!" And as he spoke those last words the owl suddenly stopped and they started descending with the power of gravity and the power of the Macarena.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tobi screamed his guts out. He was both, scared to death and dead exited. Then some liquid started to float as they descended and some other stuff that I am pretty sure I really don't wanna know.

"Hey Hidan-san, do you think that shiting my pants is alright?!" Tobi asked with a scream. Hidan turned slowly because the air power was so, his head was twisting sharply.

"HELL NO TOBI! FUCKING FREAK!" He screamed as he covered his nose.

Kisame clawed himself to the owl's neck and Hidan clung to him. Kakuzu reached for Hidan as Itachi reached for him. Tobi had climbed on top of Itachi's head and Zetsu simply hanged loose from the bird, almost falling. He just had a simple grab from the tail and he maintained there, not knowing wither to cry or scream. Or maybe both because he had two sides. Deidara had made special feet pads out of clay and three his tongues stuck out and yelled in excitement. After about 10 seconds, they were about to land on the squared building roof.

**SQUASH**

"FUCKING BIRD!" Kisame screamed, shaking, he was obviously paranoid because his hands clutched the clay with such a strength that it started to squash around his fingertips. The great bird that was gracefully flying 10 minutes ago, had squashed flat and Deidara twitched.

"My precious master…piece" He said, "piece" going out like a squeak. His left eye twitched with his left shoulder.

Hidan jumped over the squashed bird to the roof's border. He looked at the horizon and stepped to the high part of it and he stretched his arms.

"I AM KING OF THE WORLD!! I FUCKING OWN YOU, BITCHEEEEEEEES!!" He screamed to the deaf world, doing the King-of-the-world pose, separating his legs and arms.

The Akatsuki stared at him for a long wile, except for Deidara that was still twitching. Hidan turned around with a smile.

"What??" He asked and his left eye rolled out of his socket.

"SHIT!" And every Akatsuki cracked up laughing. But Tobi did not just _laugh_.

"**AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!**" Tobi was rolling on the floor laughing hysterically and weeing because seeing Hidan so confident a moment and **then** seeing him with a rolled-off eye, was so **fucking** hilarious.

Wile Tobi rolled and Hidan started praying for his sacrificial ritual, Zetsu (who had been missing all the fun) was on the floor with Alice shut above his head.

"OW." He said because he was squashed and, unlike the bird, he was "human".

Kisame remembered something and took Sasori's body parts from his bag underneath his black veil. He started doing Sasori and when he finished with the body he grabbed the only living thing in his body and fit it in.

"You are ready!" Only that, for the third time in that day, something was wrong with him. Deidara, that was happily watching how Hidan tried to kill Tobi, got a glimpse of Sasori's body. He snickered and then stood up and put a hand in Kisame's shoulder. He turned his head were Sasori was.

"Danna, I think…" He stretched his mouth in an effort to calm down. "that…your head is…" He busted. He spluttered in a way that was unbearable and Kisame laughed like mad too. Sasori's head was totally the wrong way and Kisame hadn't noticed.

"**I KNOW DEIDARA, I KNOW!**" Sasori bellowed and Deidara exploded harder.

"KISAME! GET MY FACE RIGHT! **RIGHT NOW!**" He screamed deeply as Kisame joined in a deep series of "HAHAHAH's" and "UHUHUHU's", Deidara, tearing himself into peals of laughter.

Itachi strode to where they were and saw Sasori and shited laughing too. Hidan and Tobi, that were running, their legs like cartoon cartwheels, stopped harshly with their white eyes (Hidan's, angry and Tobi's, scared) and fell to the floor too.

"**OH MY GOD! CANT ANYBODY HELP ME!?**" Sasori screamed frustrated and totally out of his head (XD) in anger. Zetsu, that was the only one that had been missing the view, came by and appeared from the floor and grabbed Sasori's head hardly.

"I'll help you." And he violently turned the top-less puppet's face. Sasori looked at him thankfully and with fire in his white eyes as he looked at Kisame.

"**KIIIIISAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEE!!**" He screamed as he took the scroll in his back and released 100 red puppets. Suddenly, only Kisame's laughs stopped.

"Mind if I twist the wrong way **YOUR FACE!?**" He roared happily.

"Oooh Crap." Kisame said and his minuscule pupils turned even smaller as the fucking lot of red blobs chased him. But before Sasori could do some serious harm to the one of the many laughing ninjas, Zetsu shut his skin-pink door that was covering his enormous source of chakra.

"Sasori, I can't allow us to loose more time. Its almost 6." He said at his madly frowning Akatsuki partner.

"Ok… but lets go before I kill him…" He said, covering himself with his cloak and making the puppets return to their scroll. Hidan that had been crying in laughter like all of the rest, muttered with Kisame something under their breaths.

"He didn't have any balls!" And the pair of them cracked up again.

**xxx **

Pein wanted to kill himself because he knew the others had been supposed to come about 4 hours ago. It was 5:45pm and he was about to kill sexy Konan in despair.

"SHIT WERE **ARE** THOSE FUCKARDS!?" He asked, in border of another nervous break down. Konan sat calmly with her legs crossed in her very own Hollywood stool and just responded.

"Tch, like if I would know were those retards are, Pein. Dude, they are so dumb that maybe they fell from a cliff or something…" She said relaxedly. Her coolness relaxed Pein's insides.

"Well if they are not going to com-"

"WE ARE HERE, **PEPOOOLZZ!!**" Suddenly the door slammed open pair-in-pair, all of the Akatsuki were forming a V shape with Tobi at the very front. He was leading the squad of idiots that were posing with their hands in their waists. Tobi suddenly rushed to a ventilator that was near the door front and turned it on.

"To make a better effect." And then he returned to his place, this time, their cloaks waving like flags. Except for the eye Hidan had recuperated, that blew away.

"SHIT, TOBI! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO YOUR GAY SHIT AGAIN!" Hidan screamed, facing Tobi with rage.

Pein and Konan jaws hanged the typical anime stile and then a big sweat-drop filled the sides of their foreheads.

"Did you liked it? Pein-sama!?" Yelled Tobi as he jumped up and down, towards his leader, with his hands cupped and facing down like a basketball-face rabbit. Hidan sighted, highly irritated, and strolled in search of his eye.

"Where the…oh shit. Oh! Over there, fuck, STUPID FUCKING VENTILATOR!" He said as he kicked the swirling thing because his cloak had got stuck in it, and then searched near the entrance.

"No, Tobi, it's way **too** typical from you. Now. I will ask this very _gently_ and _quietly_ so you understand." Pein said in a soothing calmed voice.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, YOU FUCKING **ASSES**!!" He yelled so hard that they all went aback with the strong sound waves.

"We-" Itachi tried but was cut by Konan. Hidan came over with the rest, trying to put his pupil in the center of socket.

"Oh, yeah. Don't tell me you got lost in a desert doing auto stop…yeah…whatever." Konan rolled her eyes and Hidan, Kakuzu and Tobi snickered.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LAUGHING AT!" Both Pein and Konan screamed. They all fell in their asses to the ground.

"Konan…" Itachi hissed and he looked inside his cloak, slightly making RichardII move with his shoulder.

"WE ARE _SUPPOSED_ TO BE TOTALL KICK-ASS **BAD** ASSES! NOT WHINIES LIKE HANSEL, GETTING LOST LIKE THAT!" Pein screamed and then Konan glared at him. "And Gretel…"

Then Tobi and Hidan exchanged glances and then looked at Deidara and then they both spluttered in laughter. Somehow they had both managed to have a shared mental image of Deidara with a Gretel costume. Itachi then looked at them and caught the giggles. Pein sighted and then turned around.

"Well, we better get ready. I just feel like death." He said.

Then all of the small star-room filled with heavy mist (…?).

"The hell, hn?" Deidara said as he quickly looked around, checking for any weird things, apart from his partners of course.

"Oh shit. Great. Now I am fucking freezing again." Hidan said in his very typical annoyed voice.

"Well, Hidan-san, if you hadn't be such a bad boy and kicked the ventilator, the mist-" Tobi started and then was punched hard in his balls. "**OOOOOOO! THAT HURTS! WHO WAS IT!?**" He asked (and screamed…) as he rubbed between his legs and Hidan elbowed Kakuzu and they both giggled.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't born…" Tobi said and apart of everybody starting at him because he actually…talked and not screamed or jumped, Pein made a comment.

"Sometimes I wished that too…"

Tobi felt relieved that somebody felt the same.

"Well, thanks Pein-sama, thanks for sharing the same sadness of your existence." Pein looked between the mist at Tobi and shook his head.

"I wasn't talking about me. I was talking about you." And he killed the rest of Tobi's auto esteem.

"**WHO SAID MY NAAAAAMMMME!?**" A rather scary and ghostly voice echoed in the room. The Akatsuki's all gave their backs to each other and got into a blob. They were shuddering in fear.

"WHO SAID THAT?" Pein shouted back, lacking his apparent calmness.

Silence.

"IF YOU GUESS MY NAME, I WILL GIVE YOU A PRIZE!" Suddenly the voice echoed again. The Akatsuki thought about it and, because they were criminals and didn't have any prizes from no-one, they all gave their answer.

"A Talking statue?"

"Donald Trump?"

"Jashin?"

"Mrs.Piggy of the Poppets?"

"Greenpeace?"

"Barb, my piercing maker?"

"Joseph, my Origami teacher?"

"RichardI?!"

"The "Let's Save Willy" association!?"

And only Tobi was left… he though and couldn't come to anything smart. So he guessed.

"DEATH!!" Everybody grunted and the voice spoke.

"YEAH! The prize is…a can of Ali-Almonds©!" The mist suddenly cleared and a gray blur appeared.

It was a Gray shuiletto . It had some lighter gray steam-like energy flowing in and out of him as if he were a ghost only it was shaped to a man. He wore a short sleeved whine-purple shirt with a green tie and a little round hat with a wide green line passing through it in a circled manner with some gray pants with beige pin-stripes in them.

His eyes were like a ghost's, only they were a dimmed, faded yellow. His mouth was the same and he didn't have a nose.

He was no taller that 1.60m tall but he was thin and he looked pretty awkward.

It was holding a blue can between his hands with a yellow label in it that said Ali-Almonds©.

"Hello, I am Death, the host of I'll be your host! So **I'll** be your host!" He laughed shortly and grabbed the can with his other hand to shake the enthusiastic Tobi's hand. Kisame as shocked, there for he just blanc stared.

"Nice to meet you Death-sama, my name is Tobi, his is Itachi, his is Kisame, his is-"

"I think we can introduced ourselves, Tobi." Kisame said, so everybody said their name to Death and they looked at him with a stupefied faces. They all expected Death to be a little more…scary. Like, in a black hooded cloak with a hard bone skull head and an evil smile and a sharp weapon or something or at least a **hint** so they could know it just wasn't a Halloween costume.

"Well very nice to meet you all! Oh aren't you all cute, and young!" He said with a touch of sentiment. Zetsu quivered when he actually realized he had just introduced to the Grim reaper, Death, Hell ruler, Satan, THE KING OF MALICE! He was **so** exited, that even black Zetsu had a star for an eye.

"Death-donno!I am Black Zetsu!And I am White Zetsu.We LOVE your show.We watch it every day.After "Plants with Mrs. Jones"!" He spoke enthusiastically. Death looked satisfied with himself and patted himself in the stomach and stretched to pat Zetsu in his colour-split head.

"That's great, kiddo! Nothing like a good weird fan!" Death said mockingly and Zetsu didn't bother he was just called a weird kiddo. He asked Death if he could sign his T-shirt and if he could talk to Alice which, with a great deal of politeness, he did.

"Well, Death-sama, I am Pein, the leader of this group of idiots that call themselves criminals." Pein said with a hint of fun making. Pein was pretty scared of death although his figure since, when he was a kid, he knew death could approach so near you, it marks you for life, like it happened to him and Konan.

"Oh dear, only some more until the show starts so, go to the make up room to get your make up on!" Death said in a kind, commanding voice.

"Do we have a make up room, hn?" Deidara asked confused. "Well, Sasori-danna and I won't need an-" He spoke and then he was cut at the sight of Sasori that was already in room next door, being made-up. "Oh hell…The fuck, hn…" He complained. " But now I will look even more like a woman."

Tobi was being treated like a king. He was in a bed with a springy couch with his name (that was his only request for appearing in the show) in it and the girls at the studio were fanning him and giving him almonds wile combing his black spikes.

"Deidara-senpai! You are male, and damn proud! So shut up and be a good boy, give in!" He said in a kind voice and Deidara smiled.

"Thanks, hn…"

Hidan had taken his cloak off and was in a chair with his arms crossed at the back of his head and his hair was being gelled and combed aback. He was being put some make up because his skin was greasy and bright and, to be a very **manly** man, he liked the attention. His red eyes were full of life as he spoke to the pretty ladies attending him and he smiled for each one of them and as some of them went to grab some make up, the other Akatsuki's heard them comment on Hidan's face and Hidan's smile and Hidan's chest and Hidan's this and Hidan's that. They all fell for Hidan. And for a man that hated women, he liked that too.

_I am the ladies man…_ He though arrogantly.

Sasori's hair was being made by a blower, that ruffled his messy hair even more and he smiled because all the ladies liked him too. Deidara was being delicately comb as he looked at a news article that explained what to do in case you got the artist block.

"Some come with depression…" He mumbled to himself and then remembered the time he had a depressed artist block.

Flashback Deidara was sitting in feta position with his head between his knees. He felt sad. He had… **THE ARTIST BLOCK!** Many sorts of depressing thoughts came to his artistically stuck mind…"I look like a woman " I have three mouths

" _I am bullied by a manic puppet_

"_I am gay…"_

End of Flashback

Deidara stopped looking at a side to the ceiling as a shudder crept his spine.

" Those are terrible, hn…" He said to himself and kept reading.

Itachi was happy drinking tea because he was already more than made up. Kisame was drinking with him, happily as a girl made his nails.

"Oh Itachi-san! I love you so much!" Kisame said, coming to his more feminine side. Itachi was squealing in happiness.

"Oh I love you too!"

"NO! I love you **more**!" Kisame complained.

"No, **I** love you more!" Itachi responded.

"Well I love everyone!"

" I love everyone too!" Itachi drank a sip of his Earl Gray. "And, Kisa, call me Tachi!!"

"Ok, Tachi!"

As the pair of weird but hot ninjas hugged each other happily, Kakuzu found the chick who's brother was the owner of a company and she knew a lot about money and business-making.

"Yes, I heard the dollar has raised a few cents..." She spoke, her name was Akane.

"Yeah, reason why I still use gold coins." Kakuzu answered. They both sat down in front of a simple wood table that was in front of a nicely made wood bench.

"I used them too, but I heard that people are scamming a lot, using fake gold for their fabrication…" Akane spoke knowingly and Kakuzu gasped. That chick knew a lot.

"Hm…thanks for telling me." Kakuzu said. She would do just fine as his business manager.

He stood up and went over to were Hidan was and then asked nicely.

"How are you doing with you session?"

Hidan glared and then smiled.

"Hmm… I actually like it much. This women are hot." He said with them hearing him on purpose and they all giggled.

What Kakuzu knew was that Hidan thought he was a bastard and all of that murderous fuck but what he **didn't** know was that Hidan was murderously in love with him too. He thought Kakuzu was the best bloody bastard in the world and, although he didn't believe in Jashin, they were meant to be together. Well, apart from the part of being immortal, bastards **are** meant to be with each other after all.

Pein and Konan were sitting down on their Hollywood stools, talking to Death that had his own gray stool with his name in thin yellow letters.

"Oh yeah, I know all of your little friends Pein, Konan. They are like my…uhhh…how to express my self, helpers. Yeah, they are like my helpers. Only that I am the one that has to sign death certificates in the Soul Separation Company." Death said happily. "I am actually a good person, I am an "angel" of death. I just take the souls to were they belong and then I let them with Elvis Presley so he can decide if they go to Hell or Heaven." Pein was totally amused with the conversation because he believed he was going to take Elvis's place in a near future. "And by the way, the one who guards hell is not me, is Michael Jackson." Konan looked at him with disbelief.

"So you say Michael Jackson guards…hell? Why?" She asked and Death shrugged.

"Well he raised the dead in his music video, didn't he? Don't you think that's something?" Pein nodded in agreement and then looked thoughtful.

"But, Michael Jackson isn't dead yet." He stated and Death shook his head for Pein's amusement.

"He is spiritually and mentally dead. We substituted his soul for a female-voiced child molester." Death commented. Pein nodded in agreement again and then said.

"Well it fits his actual character alright…" And Death saw his watch. He jumped.

"Oh! We only have 10 minutes till 6! Ok people, time's up!! Lets get cracking!" Death said to all of the relaxed Akatsuki. They all groaned, specially Tobi.

"Awww MAN! I was having such a great time…" He said and Hidan had a sudden thought when looking at Kakuzu leave.

_Kakuzu is such a shit-head. He is such a bastard and a greedy ass._

He frowned and then he sighted dreamingly.

_Yet his skin is so soft and his eyes are so penetrating, his body is so muscular and he is the hottest guy I've ever met. He turns me on so much._

He was spotted and then pretended to think hard.

_Yep. I think I hate him alright._

**Hidan is in love with Kakuzu shit-dip. Hehe took me about 2 whole days to finish, but finally, I did! Death has a special surprise for Itachi next chapter so, stay tuned Peoplez!**

**( 6/10/08 )**

**Sorry if you got an alert and you found no chapter :( Is just that I forgot to spell check (I think I was DRUGED or something! So much stuff was making no sense and was so wrong spelled!) so I did so the next chapter is not made **_**yet**_**. **

**Sorry againz!**

**-Lauren **


	5. S is for Show Time!

**I'll be your host!**

* * *

**S is for Show time!**

* * *

**So there is an interactive part in this one and maybe some in the future. Hope you enjoy this chapter, the show begins!**

* * *

The backstage studio girls (it was weird, only girls there...) asked Death all sort of things and assorted stuff about the setting before the show start and Death referred to all of them as "sweetie" and "dear" and those kind of granny crap. Kisame looked at him and sometimes asked himself how could all of them would gather to watch his show every Friday night without suspecting he was actually the **real** death. It was like believing that wrestling was actually real too. And Zetsu was the only one that actually believed without seeing in that, and it had ended he was right.

_Death actually __**is**__ death. _Kisame thought.

_If not, then how did he get to the studio so fast? And Tobi said he saw him cross the wall. Well, not that I actually __**believe**__ in what Tobi said, but there is an even chance._

Kisame was still the only one that didn't buy that Death was death, he was **way** too kind to be death. Pein believed, Konan believed. Itachi, Tobi and Zetsu hadn't had even a doubt that he was who he was after he had shaken hands with them. The rest believed too, just their minds were somewhere else. Deidara thought in Tobi, Sasori thought in nothing coz he didn't have a brain, Kakuzu thought in money and a someone and Hidan thought in Kakuzu.

Wile Kisame fought mentally with himself and went to make something, Tobi walked away, talking, with Itachi. They were speaking about serious criminal issues.

"Well, I consider that RichardI is still better than RichardII, the plush was softer and it had a very homely smell." Itachi spoke as they walked to their specially set seats were the show would take place in advance.

"Well why you think that, Itachi-san?" Tobi responded, politely interested. Itachi raised an eyebrow to give his answer.

"Oh, call me Tachi, Tobi! Well, I had RichardI since I have my vital memory. I loved him so much. It reminded me of Sas-" Itachi suddenly started weeping and fell on Tobi, who patted him in the back, not knowing why he had had a crying break down. He refused to be a bad boy and be as cheeky to call him "Tachi" so he decided to rather reduce the respect to a more friendly suffix.

"Oh, Itachi-kun, don't worry. Its going to be alright." He reassured the 21 year-old. Suddenly, the blur we call Death appeared from the floor and sat in his chair, that was a special gray once with a special yellow whirl at the back. It was the special typical host chair, that allowed the host to turn to the face the camera and do the stupid comment. Death took a worried look at Itachi and then looked at Tobi.

"Tobi-kun, what's with Itachi-san?" He asked as he swirled a bit. Tobi glanced at his crying organization partner and then responded.

"Oh, nothing Death-sama, it's just that Itachi-kun misses RichardI. He died in the "incident"." Tobi said the last sentence in a close whisper to Death's ear but Itachi heard and sobbed harder.

"WHY RICHARDI!? WHY YOU LEFT ME!! I loved you **so** much!! You were my best Teddy **ever**!" Death looked at him with a smile.

"Well, is he dead?" He asked in a cheer tone. Tobi nodded and Death stood up.

"Well then!" And as Death swung his arms to point with his hands to a sudden ray of light, Itachi looked at him in awe.

"Wha…" And suddenly a Teddy bear floated between the ray with it's beady eyes flashing with the light. Itachi looked up with a triangular smile and had a comic torrent of tears.

"THANKS DEATH-SAMA!" He screamed as he ran in slow motion to were the floating-towards-him Teddy was and hugged him as if he had come back to life (fans roll eyes). Death sweat-dropped and then nodded.

"I kept it because I didn't know wither it was a she or a he. You never mentioned it so I couldn't fill the Death certificate at the company." Death said as he scratched his "hair" that was some darker gray ghostly spikes, kind like Pein before we knew he had orange hair, only this had energy floating out of them, like the rest of his body.

"Well of course he is a **he**!" Itachi sounded pleased but insulted. "Don't you see he has a-"

"WELL! I THINK I BETTER GET GOING!" Death announced in a high voice before Itachi could finish his sentence. He shrugged and went over to Tobi and continued talking about their shared infamous criminal stuff.

"Well, remember over at the hotel I said I had this g-r-e-a-t ramen at the Hotz Spa? Well…"

**xxx**

Hidan was leaning against the studio wall, knocking his head with it, feeling like hell. Well, he always did anyway. His left foot was leaning against the wall too as he knocked and knocked.

"What's with you?" Kakuzu, that had appeared with any notice at Hidan's side, asked at his sweating and in pain partner. Hidan was sweating cold, freezing sweat.

" I don't fucking know. I guess I am suddenly sick." He said in a tone to match his state. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow and then looked in front.

"Well, it's maybe just fear to the camera, who knows." He tried to sooth his troubled partner. Hidan appreciated he tried to help, but he still felt wrong. Kakuzu slipped his hand inside his cloak and fiddled. After a wile, he took out the little pill he had been searching for.

"Here, have an Aspirin." He offered it to Hidan. Hidan looked at his partner with a calmed happy face.

"Thanks, Shit-dip."

"Bah, just drink it. Oh my god, I better interfere before Deidara blows the girl up…" And he left to calm Deidara down, that was going nuts over something no-one knew.

Hidan looked at Kakuzu as he left and then unattached himself from the wall, in search for a glass of water.

**xxx**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW! UH!? ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING? HN!?" Deidara was screaming indignantly, taking pleasure that he had calculated the perfect time so no Tobi would interfere.

"Deidara-sama, I…I…" The girl was scared by his sudden change of state. He had come from where he was still reading his article, to scream at her.

"Deidara-sama, I…I…" He imitated but with a stupid and girly high pitch voice and the girl quivered.

"Sorry!" She screamed and went running to the building's door, slamming it open as she covered her tearful face. Deidara crossed his arms.

"Bitch…"He muttered as soon as Kakuzu reached him.

"What happened, uh? You are going to wake up the dead with such a nice and quiet voice you have, man!" Kakuzu said sarcastically. Deidara seemed as he was to cry as well as scream (some more…).

"Is just…" And then he threw himself to Kakuzu and started sobbing. Kakuzu rubbed comfortably his back and then said.

"Tell me what happened, Deidara." And Deidara told him.

" I was coming here with everybody, reading my article and Tobi was talking to me. I suddenly came to notice that Tobi had left me and was suddenly talking away to that girl…" He said "that girl" with disgust, as if the word was furry and crawled in his tongue. "…and ignoring me. The girl was flirting with him. Flirting with my-errrr-Tobi!! Can you believe her **balls**, hn?

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"But Deidara, **you** are the one always ignoring Tobi…" He said, wondering why he know felt SO understanding. He lowered his voice to a sweet whisper, like the one he uses to talk to his money (o.O…).

"You like Tobi, don't you, Deidara?" He asked and Deidara nodded like a shy little kid being ask to behave well. Kakuzu smiled.

"Thought so…" And then he rubbed Deidara some more. Deidara was smelling Kakuzu's neck that, for being a very weird guy, smelled like cologne. Strong and delightful. Deidara was drugged by it and kept sniffing. Kakuzu noticed that and looked at the crying blonde man.

"Are you smelling my neck?" He asked stupidly and Deidara chuckled as he nodded. Kakuzu nodded as well with a smile making his lips.

"Uh, well. You like Tobi and I like Hidan…" He said suddenly with a sad sight. Deidara looked at him with interest and stopped chuckling.

"You like Hidan, Kakuzu-san?" He said in a deeply happy voice, he wasn't the only one with the gay instinct.

"Yep. Only I am never going to be with him coz he hates me to his masochist gut…" He said in a sad voice. Deidara shook his head.

"Hey, Kakuzu-san, I think you are wrong with that one. I've had a feeling that, although he seems to hate you, he feels hot and passionate love for you." He tried to look optimistic.

"And even if it wasn't the case, who wouldn't fall for you?" Deidara asked. Kakuzu looked at him and got mistaken, only that Deidara hadn't noticed that he did.

"Ha ha. Thanks Deidara." He said as he gave him a last comforting pat in his back before leaving.

"Thanks, Kakuzu-san!" Deidara waved his hand as if he was going to the other side of the world.

"Your welcome." And the green eyed ninja strode off.

**xxx**

Kisame was sitting in a little mouse table he had set up with improvisation in the studio with some more tea and cheese crackers.

"Ugh. Tachi-san has gone of with Tobi and left me alone…man, this is lonely. But I still have you, don't I?" He said both, sad and happy to the excessively made-up Sasori that had blue shades in his eyes and 1k of blusher and a ton of lipstick.

"Kisame, you are lucky I barley have a mind, because if I did, I would have poisoned your tea long ago…" He hissed behind his gritted teeth. Kisame had made him wear a short frilly dress, red, with red spring flowers and some nice white doll shoes.

"Oh, Sasori! But you are the only doll I have that can talk and dress up!" Kisame whined at his "friend's'" incomprehension. Sasori glared at the blue man.

"I. am. not. a. doll…" He gritted menacingly but Kisame wasn't able to sense the scary tone.

"But you look so **cute** in that dress!" He cooed and Sasori boiled.

"Look, I am here because I like tea and crackers. I can never eat them because Deidara would complain and steal them from me and now that Deidara is obsessed over Tobi I have a free time, but if any means that means I have to be dressed up and made-up then I guess I will rather wait." Sasori answered hotly, highly bothered. Kisame just laughed.

"Then why **are** you here?" He asked and then Sasori blushed (WTF? He is a **puppet** godammit!).

"Because I feel like it…" He answered. He hated Kisame for being so freaking smart and for finding the only blind spot his argument had.

"Hmn…Well anyways, want some more cheese crackers and tea, Sasori?" Kisame ignored his answer and Sasori sighted. He didn't want a fight, he was tired.

"Yes please." And he stretched his hand so Kisame could hand him the crackers and serve him some more tea from the pink pot.

**xxx**

Death had called them all, only 2 minutes remained for the show to start and Zetsu was weeing in his pants in excitement.

"2 minutesuntil theshow starts!We are**so** lucky!" He talked to himself and every body wondered how the hell Zetsu, that was, in Tobi's opinion, the scariest member of the Akatsuki. Sasori had washed all of the make-up and Kakuzu, that was pretty indignant, asked Pein something.

"How **did** you find him?" Pein sighted and gave his regretting answer.

"Found him wile I shopped in the gardening section." And Kakuzu nodded.

"No wonder…"

Hidan had passed his pill with the tea he discreetly stole from Kisame and felt an inch better. The Aspirin had helped after all. Kakuzu had asked him how he felt and he had been wondering why. Did Kakuzu liked him too? No that couldn't be. Hidan knew Kakuzu wasn't in **that** level of stupidity. No-one would like Hidan, or that is what he thought anyway (FUCKING LIE! **I** love that sexy bastard sooo much! XD). Kisame and Deidara felt jealous because Itachi and Tobi kept talking about stuff they didn't know and hadn't add them to the conversation.

"What are they talking about… He is ignoring me again!" They both said quietly at the same time and they giggled.

"Yah, really. What **are** they talking about?" Kisame wondered and Deidara looked annoyed to where they were.

"I don't know, but if he keeps ignoring me, I think I am going to cry again… and to make it worst, Itachi is looking at us too…" He said as Kisame opened his eyes wide and looked at him mockingly.

"So you like Tobi after all?" He asked and Deidara looked around to see if anybody was there and as he didn't see anybody, he nodded.

"Hmn…I wonder. I think they are talking about us, if they keep looking." Kisame suspected.

"Maybe, I don't know. It was just a short movement when I got a glimpse of his eye. Maybe he just shook his head." Deidara though hard. "But if they are, what will they be talking about?"

**xxx**

Itachi was trying to look over to where Kisame and Deidara where. Tobi was wondering what Itachi was doing and cooked his head in a signal of incomprehension.

"Itachi-kun, what are you doing." He asked innocently and Itachi kept trying to look at them beneath his fringe.

"Looking at what your boyfriend is doing with mine." He huffed acidly and Tobi blushed deeply.

"He is not…" He couldn't continue. He wanted Deidara so badly, he couldn't be negative about it.

"What you think they are doing anyway? They can't be flirting, they looked annoyed." Tobi joined Itachi's quest of the truth.

"Kisame is way to nice to be with Deidara anyway. He is faithful to me and I know it. The thing is that I don't want to take chances…" Itachi told Tobi, who was really angry at him for insulting Deidara.

"Deidara-senpai is better than Kisame in my opinion. Itachi-san." He said. Itachi looked at him. What had he done for Tobi to be so mad. Why didn't he call him Itachi-kun instead of Itachi-san? He looked at him and looked at his spikes. He smirked. And thought.

_Oh my god. Am I falling for Tobi?_

Itachi felt attraction for the dumb black-haired "ninja" and he wanted to deny it. He couldn't though and he started to feel sick.

"Sorry…" He murmured and Tobi showed sympathetic.

"No worries, Itachi-kun!" And he smiled underneath the orange swirl. Itachi sighted inside.

_Thanks God…_

Death came back to the his chair and called.

"ONE MINUTE TILL THE START!" And every criminal took their place. The camera girl made numbers with her hands.

"Sasori-san, Kisame-kun, Hidan-san, Kakuzu-san, Deidara-kun, could you all look at your chairs?" The girl asked and the villains looked at their chairs. They hadn't noticed the labels so they rearranged their places.

"Thanks!" The girl said and looked at her watch. She arranged her glasses with her index and looked through the camera. She did numbers with her hands as she spoke.

"3…2…1…"

"Go" She mouthed and then Death stayed in his seat. He clapped his hands and suddenly a big tribune appeared from the floor, with lots of people yelling happily and waving bras, knickers and boxers. The villains were amused with that and the plasmas that were in the background turned on, showing the picture before the show starts with the little music.

**6:00pm**

(Fergalicious by Fergie playing in the background)

Death turned to the camera.

"Hello people in the modern and ninja world! Today we are here, in the studio with our special guests! They are bad asses, criminals, honor-less crap, the filth in this world…"

"I think we got it…" Pein said in a monotone voice but Death took no notice.

"They are the infamous…AKATSUKI!!" He half screamed pointing with his hands at our nervous prodigies. The camera turned to them and they all gave a small wave and a smile except for Tobi, that was standing in his seat waving like mad at the public that screamed and fainted until Konan pulled his robe with such a force he fell down on his butt to his chair and then turned to scream at her, he was cut off by the sight of the camera. He smiled and then he remembered he had the mask but didn't stop smiling.

"So today I have lots of questions to make you, Akatsuki's." Death said evilly happy. Hidan was amused that the people liked him so much. They held up signs that said stuff like "All hail Jashinist's" and "Hello, Shit-dip!" and he so felt overwhelmed of happiness, he placed his hand over his heart (no, not literally…).

"Well today's show will be about all of the Akatsuki's. Yeah, you too Pein. I will make you several questions to all of you and maybe will make you do activities!" Death said in a cheer voice and Kisame shuddered. He knew a lot of the questions will be related with his fish-face and fish passion.

"Well so, who will I ask first…hmn…" Death thought hard.

"Hidan! You! I will ask you first." He said as Hidan looked at him, round-eyed.

"Me?" He asked stupidly.

"Yeah, you. Well, I've been wondering, and I guess lots of your fans have too…" He pointed at one girl that was screaming Hidan's name."…what's your religion about?"

Hidan sat quietly, not knowing if he should answer or shut up. For his surprise, all of the people screaming had turned silence, making him sweat-drop.

"Ok, ok. My religion is a religion where the God you must hail is Jashin…" He said sacred that maybe they would suddenly start screaming again but they listened attentively. "…and if you don't make the sacrifices needed he sends…GINGER HAIRED CLOWNS TO HUNT YOU DOWN!" He screamed, almost crying in fear. The Akatsuki's all rolled their eyes as he hunched and covered his face and, for their utter surprise, all of the public did the same.

"So you say you kill people because you are afraid of…ginger haired clowns??" Death said surprised.

"Yeah…Isn't it terrible!" He yelled, almost crying.

"Yeah…TERRIBLE! Well, Pein, you are next!" Death said. Pein looked at him with a surprised face.

"What, you talking to me?" He asked.

"No, I'm talking to my grandma, yeah , I'm talking to you Pein. Well, I know this maybe sounds a little to personal but…why the hell you have so **much** piercings?" He asked interested. Pein twitched annoyingly. He looked at Death with a "you-are-so-ignorant" expression.

"Well, for beginners, they are not 'piercings', they are **knobs**. And, well, I really don't want to tell you." He said acidly. Death looked at him and then tried to persuade him.

"Oh c'mon…c'mon Pein, you know you want to! You know you want to tell us! Oh c'mon…"

_**Eight Hours Later**_

"C'mon Pein…"

"**OK!!**" He yelled at the annoyance. "Ok, I will tell you. But what is spoke here, stays here." He said, totally forgetting he was being filmed in a reality show that was transmitted to the whole world. "When Konan threatens to kill me with a broom, that is ever so casual, I turn the knob and change of body! Eh!? Isn't that totally kick-ass great?!" He asked eagerly and Death sweat-dropped.

"Yeah, I guess so… Well , can you make us a demonstration?" He asked and Pein grabbed one of his nose studs and gave it a twist.

**POOF!**

And the old, spiky haired Pein appeared. Death looked at him in awe. The Death, staring in **awe** at Pein!

"Yeap. This is my original form pepolz!" He said and all the audience applauded, including Death and Konan. Tobi looked jealously and crossed his fingers. He wanted to be chose really bad.

"Let him choose me, let him choose me…" He prayed.

"Sasori!" Death screamed and Sasori jumped. "Your turn now!" And Sasori moaned.

**HAHA! So know the interactive part starts. You need to post a question you want to make Sasori and I will chose the best one. So start reviewing!**

**-Lauren**


	6. U is for Unexpected revelations

**I'll be your host!**

* * *

**U is for Unexpected revelations,the fight between Death and Drugs/Unjustified fury,the paper possums attack!**

* * *

**Well, today I felt like revealing stuff. Maybe your not with it, don't sew. Leaving it for you to read. MUAHAHAH! **

…

**Well, now that I've noticed, I haven't gave credits so I am putting them just in case the F.B.I decide to check this story ( and, lets be honest. Who wouldn't ;) ).**

**  
Credits to:**

**Masashi Kishimoto (A.k.a: The creator of the series and the artist, oh yeah. ALL HAIL TO KISHIMOTO!)**

**Star wars death cantine (or something like that. I got a line from it in this chapter)**

**My friend Camila**

**  
Me (Hell yea!)**

**The Akatsuki**

**Death (I made a pact with the devil so he could lend it to me…o.o)**

**All of your, readers and/or reviewers**

**And finally the goddess of the walking paper ramen**

**Some stuff in my previous chapters might have sounded offensive to some but, please, don't sue me (Hmn… wanna fight!?). I have nothing against Michael Jackson, its just black humor. **

**So, thanks for reading this non-sense I call a "story" coz things get out of control at a hurried rate in this shit of a chapter.**

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Sasori took a look at Death, remembering he was being seen by the whole world. Or simply the people watching television. He smiled the sexy way he always does and laughed.

"My turn?" He said ever so casually. Death nodded and then turn to the cameras.

"Oh man, is being deaf part of the requirements to join Akatsuki?" And the public laughed stupidly. Hidan was sure they didn't even **know** why they were laughing but, because they had signs with sayings he says or would like to, he didn't care much. Sasori stopped smirking and darted him a glare.

"Ok, Sasori. Your question is…" Death ruffled through a set of plastic laminated cards, with the logo of "I'll be your host" in each one of them.

"Ok, the public has been asking this about 578 times. No, seriously." He said wile making turns to look at the card and Sasori.

"Dear Sasori-san, Why did you turn yourself into a freaking puppet?" Death spoke and Sasori fell silent. He was wondering how people had noticed that. It wasn't like he had been filmed with a camera as he fought with Chiyo-baa and Sakura or something.

"Well, Death-sama, if you look around, all of my partners are stupid idiots with some mental problem/inferiority and/or physical defect." He said smoothly as all the Akatsuki's nodded and then yelled "HEY!" except for Tobi that instead of hey, yelled "YAY!".

"For starters. My former partner, Orochimaru. He as was a gigantic man-snake with a prostitute voice. Plus he was and still is a bastardly child molester." He spoke and Death and the public and even the Akatsuki's listened carefully.

Sasori suddenly appeared some flash cards with a cartoon of each Akatsuki in them from the no-were as he stood up to explain. "Deidara has three mouths which chew _clay_. Tobi has a collection gay shit and can't think properly because his brain was smashed by a fucking boulder. And a rather **big** one if I must say. Hidan can live with his guts in a glass jar, and stare at them each morning and than give all hail to a his masochist "god". Kakuzu is a gay man that knows how to _knit_ and is made of rope. Pein is a weirdo that has 6 different bodies which he fights to choose one with the whole damned day. Of course, not to mention the nice, gay, multicoloured(1) eyes he has. Konan is a living piece of paper that can turn to origami shit no-one cares about. Kisame is a freaky fish-man with a sword that is as weird as his skin. Itachi, well he is a gay psycho that has a Teddy and enjoys painting his nails. Zetsu, oh my god, he has a plant eating him, for god's sake." He talked-matter-of-factly as he received a some killer stares, some sad stares and some stares that laughed at the other stares (…?). The audience gave him a slightly entertained ovation.

"The thing is that mainly, I was the odd one out. So I had no choice, did I? Hidan would poke me every time and laugh at my non-weirdness and I was picked on every time! I was picked for all kind of stupid missions! Like, dancing break dance in a home for retired people. Apart, Orochimaru wanted to rape me because I was so young and beautiful, that I am still, of course, but when I changed my body to a puppet PLUS I hid in Hiruko, he didn't have a chance to rape me alright. That's one of the main reasons why he left Akatsuki. And one of the many reasons this body doesn't have any proper balls. I use bubble wrap instead." Kisame and Hidan were struggling to contain their laughter.

"And now that Orochimaru is dead (Oh, yeah. And you are not dead, are you?), I am **recently** sleeping in my normal form." He spoke, sad and happy in the same time. Death was pretty fucked up with the answer and the public was laughing their head's off with the little flashcards and stupid comments. As Sasori sat down Tobi was still processing the information just said.

"Sasori-san, what's a boulder?" He asked, but he was ignored. Pein was as pissed as hell and hissed silently so Death wouldn't hear but loud enough so Sasori listened.

"_I want you in my office back at the Lair…" _

"_But you don't even have an-_"

"_BUT NOTHING!"_ He hissed harder and Sasori looked at him with a humph expression.

"Tch, whatever…" Sasori just rolled his eyes and looked at Death, that was ruffling with his own set of cards.

Death looked over his cards barely and when he had eye-contact with Sasori. He sweat-dropped.

--U "That was…great…Sasori…" He said in a nervous voice. Sasori leaned back, looking pleased.

"Hell it was…" He said arrogantly and Konan, looked at him with fire in her eyes.

"Just wait until we get back to the hotel, Sasori. There I will show you how painful shit can be…"

Sasori sweat-dropped and then looked at her nervously. He put his hand in front of him, as if Konan was going to make him something.

"You know I didn't mean it, didn't you?"

"We'll see…" She answered evilly.

_Aw man. I'm screwed and … _Sasori thought heavily.

"Well the next question is for…Konan!!" Death said excitedly as she stopped planning Sasori's murder and sighted, bored.

"Dude, hurry up." She said as she saw Death ruffle some more.

"AHA! Here it is!…" He pulled one of the large cards. "Here, it says the following. Dear, Konan-sama, if you are made from paper, how do you bath?" There was eminent silence and then Konan stretched her hand.

**SLAP!**

"**OUCH!**" Death screamed as he rubbed his gray cheek. Konan was red in the face and steam blew out of her ears.

"HOW YOU **DARE** TO ASK ME THAT!?" She yelled furiously to the host. Kisame and Hidan fell on their backs, laughing hysterically hard. The audience did too, but not **near** as hard.

"**AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!**" They were laughing **so** hard, their faces were red, hot and they were crying. Kisame's skin turned purple, since he was blue.

"SHIT! DID YOU **SEE** THAT? SHE FUCKING **SLAPPED** HIM!!" Hidan screamed as he rolled on the floor, with the tears jumping out of his eyes.

"OH MY GOD, I THINK I WEED MY PANTS!" Kisame yelled back, punching with his fist the floor in laughter.

"I WEED A LONG TIME AGO YOU ASS FACE!" Hidan laughed harder.

Itachi had just opened his mouth in surprise and had covered it with his hands. Pein looked horrified. Deidara laughed faintly. Zetsu was still pissed with Sasori's _rude _remark, and was weeping. Sasori hadn't changed expression and Kakuzu neither. Tobi just gasped and Konan turned to a blue match, as she watched the dark blotch forming in Kisame's and Hidan's pants, since they were laughing **so** at her.

"Well, Konan-chan, I think you should be a good gir- **OH MY GOD! WHY DO SHITY WIERD THINGS CHASE ME EVERY TIME I TRY TO HELP?!**" He yelled as a group of paper dragons, snakes, spiders, rats, horses, possums, weasels, sharks (o.O?) and walking ramen chased him at Konan's command.

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP, PUMPKING FACE!**" The blue match screamed at him.

"**WHY ME!?**" He wept as he ran with all of his power.

Kisame and Hidan were still on the floor when Konan glared at them.

"**YOU TOO!**" She yelled as she pointed at the pair of ninjas that were laughing their head's off.

"**OH. MY. GOD.**" They both said, standing up, as a herd of paper lions were going to their direction. The lions joined the creepy things that chased Tobi, and the wet nin's did too.

"Never a good day in my life." Commented Kisame as Hidan continued laughing.

"SHIT! That was GREAT, MAN! Did you see her face, yo, wait, DID YOU SEE **HIS** FACE?! I think I haven't laughed this hard since I discovered that Kakuzu used thongs!" Hidan asked Kisame.

"Yeah, but now we are being chase by a fucking lot of crazy origami shit that are going to kill us if we stop running. And Konan is a bloody woman, she wont stop until we are dead. Or until we are covered in blood **or** unconscious." Kisame said, annoyed and bored. Or at least his voice was because he had killed the hidden fishies he had in his boxers (O-O).

:) "I cant die!" Hidan yelled and Kisame stared.

--"Fuck you, Hidan."

:D "Thank you!" He answered happily. Pein looked at Konan with disbelief. They were being seen by all the fucking word for Christ's sake!

"Konan!" He yelled. Or at least he tried because Konan turned to look at him that creepy way, kind like Chukie, with hell in her eyes.

The more of _murmur _that Pein said, caught Kakuzu's ear.

"Yo, you know Konan fucking owns you. You are her bitch, man." He said with a smirk. Pein looked at him wide-eyed.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" He screamed.

"_**SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH!**_" Konan screamed at him

"Yes ma'am…" He responded as he fiddled with his fingers.

"That's lame, hn…" Deidara butted in. Kakuzu and Pein looked at him with a "you-are-so-hypocrite" face.

"Deidara, you shut up. You are a _puppet's _puppet." Pein said defensively.

"Not true!" He humphed.

"Brat, I'm thirsty. Bring me a glass of water." Sasori suddenly told Deidara.

"What if I don't want to, hn?" Deidara responded daringly.

"I'll count to 3…"

"Don't you think I am **man** enough for that, hn??" Deidara asked him with a partially offended voice."

"3…"

"Tch, yeah whatever…hn…"

"**2…!"**

"Ok, Im going." Deidara stood up and went outside the studio, taking advantage of the chaos.

"Now **THAT'S** lame…" Black Zetsu said.

"Now, that's not **as** lame." White Zetsu said.

"Yeah it is! He is a _puppet's _puppet, ass face!"

"But I am **YOU**!"

"Ok, I don't even _think _that one even needs an explanation…" Pein said to Kakuzu as he rolled his eyes. "I knew I shouldn't have entered the gardening section. Damn Kakuzu, you and your weird talking money. If you hadn't ripped so _violently _the plants from the garden, this would never had happened. "I need poppy seeds, they are serious biz, man!" And still, why did you need poppy seeds for?" He asked and Kakuzu just sat down, ignored and waited.

"Are we going to get freaking _**on?**__" _Kakuzu moaned. Konan hadn't cooled down yet and watched, red still, as she made the dragons blow fire with a wicked fire jutsu she made.

"Man, she is bloody great!" Hidan told Kisame with great amount of happiness. Kisame just looked at him. Odd…

"I could have actually thought that was a compliment if we weren't chased by fire-breathing dragons, you know…"

" But it _was _a compliment!"

"I'm stuck with stupid…" Kisame looked at both of his sides. He saw the stupid Hidan , that was praying for the paper stuff to rip him apart, all masochist. And then he looked to his other side. He saw Tobi squirming and yelling disturbingly pitch.

"And what the hell is wrong with **you**?" He asked the masked the "man".

"It's not fair! Wile I am being chase by weird stuff, my cousin-" He stopped dead in his words. Kisame and Hidan wanted to stop to hear well what he just said.

"COUSIN!?" They both yelled in unison as Tobi flushed deep red in nervousness. They both turned briskly to where Itachi was contemplating his nails.

"Yes…he is my cousin…" He said, slowly. He felt like if he was going to have a cardiac arrest. The blue running ninja looked at Tobi with his jaw as an obstacle in his steps. He was fucking stunned.

"I'm Uchiha Obito, people. Ok? Geez! Why **are** you so nosy?? Uh?? Why in **my** life anyway?" Tobi asked Kisame with obvious annoyance.

"Weren't you…dead?" Kisame asked cautiously. Tobi raised an eyebrow and slowly took his orange swirly mask off. He revealed a pair of orange glasses. He had a black Konohagakure headband in his head and had a neat, toothy smile. His left eye was shut and he blinked a few times before opening it up.

"That's what they think…! Hehe." He said in a happy voice. Kisame had heard about his death the day he asked Itachi what people had he killed. He had mentioned about Obito that had been through a terrible fate. But Kisame now saw that wasn't true.

"So…why'd you change your name?" Kisame asked stupidly and Tobi looked at him with a stare to match his question.

"Because I am officially dead you scum brain!" He spoke, annoyed.

"Hey! Who the hell is Obito? Are you an Uchiha? ARE YOU ITACHI'S COUSIN?! Don't leave me out T.T" Hidan asked, feeling miserably excluded. Tobi looked at him with a tired face and slapped his face as he ran.

"Obito is me. I **am** an Uchiha. Just call me Tobi. It's much better. I like it more than Obito. And yeah, I am his older cousin." He answered. Hidan was deeply curious as Kisame was silently trying to believe his eyes.

"Older, you say? So you are fucking older than shit-dip Itachi? By about how much?" Hidan asked. He was marveled with the discovery. Tobi pulled his mask over his face because he forgot no-one knew what, now, Kisame and Hidan knew.

"By about 10 to 11 years… I am 31. And now that I think about it, my birthday is coming!" He squealed in excitement. And because a paper possum was burring itself in his cloak.

"WHAT! YOU ARE FUCKING OLDER THAN ME?! I could have **sworn** you were 15! You are so stupid, hyper active, stupid, dumb, stupid, sensible, stupid, mysterious, stupid…"

"I think we get the point, Hidan-san…" Tobi murmured pissed.

" Ah, now that you mention your Birth Day, when is it?" Hidan asked.

"In 4 days!" He told Hidan and he winked.

"Early Happy BD then!" And Tobi sniffed.

:D"Thanks, Hidan-san!"

"Call me Edward…"

o.Ô?

"Just kidding, just kidding. Can't I make a damn joke?!" Hidan asked angrily. Tobi just kept running.

"Whatev, Hidan-san… Just forget it."

"I fucking will..."

Fish-man was **still** trying to believe. No, I am being a liar, Kisame is really looking if the fishies he had hidden were ok with his weeing and they seemed alright.

"That's none of your buissnes."

You are in my story so I can fucking kill you with a tray if I so wish so shut up and continue.

"Screw you…"

Shut up, gill face!

T.T

…

Well, Death, who didn't have any proper ears and it was damn noticeable, was still rubbing his cheek and ruffling his cards quickly. Deidara, Sasori had poured secretly "XXX 8.9 Vodka" in his water. He felt like hell. And nothing can ruin a reality show **that** damn bad as a drunken host. And it was even worst when the host talked to Elvis and Curtain Cobain every once in a wile. He was so wasted, he didn't even noticed that the audience had all died from a heart attack or they had been eaten by paper possums and rats after being killed by paper lions and fire-breathing dragons.

"I cant't-hic-find my blurbblelblel-hic-carrrd… Next question-hic-is for my grandma…UUU! A BUTTERFLY!!" He slurred as he tried to point to the ceiling, but failed and slipped, wobbling, from his seat to the floor.

"I feel so-hic-light! I feel like-hic-blabllelblrble-hic-blubber!" He slurred a little more as he started snaking on the floor. Itachi, that was right in front of the host's chair, sweat-dropped heavily.

"Ok, this is just wrong… Ok, Deidara. Spill it, what drug did you slipped into his glass?" Itachi asked, concerned Death might slip under the ground, as wasted as he looked.

Deidara and Sasori where fidgeting and nudging each other in their seats as they saw Death reaching to get his _nice_ and _pure_ "water".

"Me, hn? But I didn't do _anything_…"He said innocently. "Right, Danna?" He nudged the laughing Sasori.

"Well, maybe we just slipped a few splashes of Vodka…" He said between laughs and they both started laughing madly. Itachi looked at them laugh like crazy men/whateverthefuck.

Itachi turned back at Death.

"Marry has a little-hic-lamb, little-hic-lamb, little lamb…" He said between a few sessions of blabbering.

He sweat-dropped again and muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, and Kisame say **I** go pretty bad when I am drunk…"

Itachi was still wondering if they had **only** slipped Vodka. He looked pretty crappy for it to be only Vodka.

"Deidara, seriously. What **did** you put in his drink?" Itachi asked seriously.

"Itachi, don't worry. Is just XXX 8.9 Vodka. He will get back in a wile. And it's the Lair's Vodka so's alright" He said in unison with Sasori and cracked up again. Itachi just nodded and then his eyes widened.

"Oh no. Yo, DeiDei, you grabbed the bottle that was hidden in my room?" Itachi asked. Deidara blushed with the new nickname and nodded.

"Yeah…"

"The one in _Kisame's _side?"

"Yeah…"

"The one in the fishtank?"

"Yeah…"

"The one-"

"**YES ITACHI, THE ONE UNDER THE ROCK INSIDE THE TANK IN KISAME'S PART OF YOUR ROOM IN THE HOTEL IN THE WORLD IN THE STATE IN THE COUNTRY IN AMERICA IN THE PLANET IN THE FREAKING UNIVERSE WE ALL FUCKING LIVE!!**" Deidara screamed desperately. Itachi just looked surprised with an expression that read "HOLY CRAP" in anyway you read it.

"Oh crap…! That shit contained Kakuzu's poppy seeds! Kisa hid them when the cops came in search of the seeds. Death is screeeeewd. That shit is 8.9 Vodka with poppy seeds inside! He is going to be so fucking dead…yo, wait, he **is** dead, but pretty strong hangover he is going to have… He is going to have illusions!" Deidara and Sasori leaned to look at Itachi. They stayed with a blanc stare and then **fucked** in their pants with laughter. Itachi sighted and rubbed his forehead with the separation of his thumb and index in frustration.

"If he then finds out you guys put that shit in his drink, you get sewed and **so **screwed." He told them warily. Suddenly, Kakuzu leaned from his own seat.

"Somebody said money??"

"_**NO!**_" The three screamed and then Kakuzu muttered a "Sorry…" and turned around.

"Shit." The worried threesome said together, once again.

* * *

**HAHAHAHAHA! Even I, that am the author, cant stop fucking laughing! I think this is the funniest chapter this shit is going to have! Sorry for the peoples that are with the TobiMandara shit but, although I know he is Mandara, I can't drag myself to believe it.**

**So here, I thank you for reading this "story". The show is tearing apart. **

**Tobi is Obito. Hidan turned to stupid Edward. Itachi is a worrywart. DeiDei and Pein are a pair of owned bitches. Konan and Sasori are a pair of owners. Kisame and Kakuzu are two sick people with drug/alcoholic problems. Zetsu is still depressed over Sasori's comment. Death is fucking wasted and drugged with poppy seeds (?)**

**Hope you liked it! XDDD**

**I'll update soon.**

**(1) Pein's eyes are not really multicolour, they are just plain gray. Only they are multiphasetical (or something like that.), meaning they have lots of layers or in this case, circles. And because they are multiphasetical, I would like them multicoloured :) **


	7. K is for Knocked Out Pein

**I'll be your host!**

* * *

**K is for Knocked Out, Pein is left unconscious.**

* * *

**Hello peopolz! Lolz I was in a great mood when writing last chapter! Lolz I really liked it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and am very sad of it. And I DON'T own the Discoverykid's crap that I am using in this chapter… don't sue or else… **

**Well, I haven't got much to say after that, so here you go!**

* * *

Wile Itachi was worrying, Sasori and DeiDei where changing their underwear, Kakuzu and Pein were discussing over if they were going to continue and why they needed poppy seeds for, Konan went totally out of her mind, Hidan was screaming happily as a dragon ripped his asshole out, Tobi and Kisame talked about why and the sadness Kisame felt that he hadn't died, Zetsu was the only one that was sitting down without complaining or anything. Well, not complaining with anybody _else. _

"This is simply **great**. Death-donno is drunk and drugged. Pein hates me. Kakuzu is the district's drug dealer and Itachi is a worrywart. Konan is turning Hidan into minced meat and Tobi has taken his mask off. AND I MISSED IT! This simply couldn't get absolutely any **better**." Black Zetsu complained. White Zetsu clucked it's tongue with anger.

"Shit is all your fault. We could be in the shop, helping with the little plants. But _**NOOOO **_you **had** to help a guy who, I bet, has piercings in his ass. No wonder Mother never liked you." White Zetsu whined. Black Zetsu opened his half-mouth with surprise.

"**OUR MOM WAS A BISEXUAL FREAK! WE ARE LUCKY WE ARE BOTH MALE! SHE FUCKED HERSEL-**" He screamed defensively.

"**NOT TRUE!! MOM WAS GREAT!! DON'T YOU DARE TO SPEAK LIKE THAT OF OUR DEAD MOTHER!!**" White Zetsu made his angry argument as he cut off Black Zetsu's black comment. Konan was about to chop his head off and turned to look at him because she was sick of his mad-ass screams.

"**WOULD YOU SHUT UP, ALOE VERA!?**" She was the one screaming now. Bad timing for telling Zetsu something mean. Zetsu was in his boiling point and was **sick and tired** of the insults so he stood up violently and went to face Konan. He **almost** pushed her, but then remembered she was a woman. And plan-guys are polite gentlemen.

"**I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN!"** He bellowed, looking down at her. He was several centimeters taller than her. Zetsu was expecting her to do three things:

Slap him

Insult him once more

Call her bitch (a.k.a: Pein)

But as he waited, he received a kiss in his black cheek. His yellow eyes widened a great deal as a calmed down Konan looked at him. She was blushing and he was too.

"Well, I liked your piercings…dude…" She said shyly. Zetsu's heart was beating as hard as the herd of paper lion's ran.

_**MEANWHILE**_

"AHHH! I AM MELTIIIING!!" Pein screamed as he fainted.

"Man…" Kakuzu said as he poked him with a stick.

_**END OF MEANWHILE??**_

"What the hell was that?!" He asked surprised.

"**SHUT UP, MORONIC DUNCE! **_**IT'S OUR **__**FIRST KISS**__**!!**_" White Zetsu squealed as he made Black Zetsu clap his hand with his. He snatched it away.

"Well, can you stop ripping Hidan apart, Konan?" He asked nicely.

"Oh… Yeah, whatever…" And she raised her hand and the group of blood-covered paper animals all unfolded and flew to inside of her cloak sleeve.

"Well, I better go to where Tobi is. I haven't scold him yet for being such a pain." Black Zetsu spoke as he scratched his head nervously.

"Ok…"

"But please, don't call me aloe vera. Would you?" White Zetsu pleaded.

"Dude, it was a joke. I wasn't going to attack you with paper. Not **you**, anyway. If you eat people, I bet you can eat paper exactly as well and I am not **as** masochist as Hidan…Remember I'm the paper." She spoke mockingly.

**xxx**

Hidan was laying on the floor. His ass was separated of the rest of his body, enormous streams of blood spouted from the hole where his ass used to be.

"AWWW!! I wanted more **pain**!! T.T" Hidan moaned sadly. Kisame was still with Tobi, trying to make him talk a more about himself. They walked to where Hidan was.

"No, Hidan. To much masochism for today. You are scaring Obi-er-Tobi again." He said reproachfully as he helped Hidan to stand up.

"Yo, shit-dip, can you help me find my ass?" Hidan asked as he removed a little of hair that fell in his eye. Kisame nodded.

"Ok, I'll help you fi- **WHAT!? **YOUR** ASS!?"** Kisame yelled out, stunned. Hidan nodded.

"Yeah, my ass. Are fucking helping me or what!?"

-.-U "Ok, ok. I am, but I simply **refuse** to touch that shit…" Kisame assured as he helped Hidan.

Tobi was standing aside, trying not to step on the blood puddles.

:) "Hidan-san, can I help you find you ass? I am a goood boy!" He jumped up and down.

**SPLASH!**

"**AAAHHHHH!** I HAVE **BLOOD** IN MY CLOAK!" Tobi screamed as he ran in circles waving his hands in the air. Hidan and Kisame looked at him.

-.-U

"Shit, the kid-er-guy is nuts…" Hidan said. Kisame looked a Tobi some more. He turned to look at Hidan and then he nodded.

"I can't believe he is actually the eldest one between us all..." Kisame said incredibly.

"Ok, guys, and girl, Super-secret Akatsuki meeting! Yo, Hidan! Hurry up and come here so that Kakuzu can sew your ass back! Come, hurry up, we are having a Super-secret meeting, really important! Serious issues! MEET HERE!" Pein called and pointed to the ground, standing up in his seat.

"Meat? WERE!?" Zetsu called as he shook his head violently in search for meat. Pein didn't bother. He was too interested in what he could see from where he was. The whole studio was fucked up. There was no ceiling now and the floor had several, **large** no wait, **ENOURMOUS** cracks. Not to mention that all of the people were either dead, or had fled. Except for the camera girl.

"Ok, great. We just need to wait for the feedback and…" Pein couldn't hear what else she said because she was walking through the studio's door.

"Oh my god. I forgot they were fucking filming us…" Pein said warily and then looked down. The whole Akatsuki group was looking up at him or/and talking to somebody else.

"Well, I was going to tell you that I wanted to go to Pizza Hut later…" They all mumbled and nodded, saying how tired they were and the famous "I'm fucking starving". "…but I've just remembered that we've been on air all of this time." All of the Akatsuki's looked at him with a stupid face.

"Yeah, so what?" They all said in unison, except for DeiDei that added a "hn", Hidan that added a "fucking" before "what" and Konan that changed the "Yeah" for a "Dude".

"Well, I bet the cops know where is this show's studio…" He looked around. "… or what it **used** to be the show's studio…so there's a great opportunity they'll come. What I propose is that we get the **hell** out of here before they find us." All of the villains high-fived and cheered and then Pein explained his plan.

"Well we can get out two different forms. We can either use our super villainic powers to poof and we are at the Lair's lobby **OR** we can ask Konan and Deidara to make birds." They all mumbled and then a hand stuck up.

"But why two birds?" Itachi asked. Pein then said.

"Well, I don't want to share a ride with you guys. You all fucking sweat. And smell. Konan doesn't. And still, me and my girl-er-Konan are special." All of the villains nodded again and they all were discussing in which way they wanted to go to their hotel. **Quickly and discreetly**.

**X-X-X-X**

"Zetsu-san is in **G-L-A-M-O-U-R-O-U-S!**" Tobi squealed. Zetsu had told him about the Konan incident and he didn't want Itachi hearing because he would pick on him so he had decided he wasn't going to go in the end and then told Itachi if he wanted to change places.

_**Flashback**_

_Hey, Itachi, do you want to change places?" Zetsu asked when he looked at the clay owl Deidara had fixed_

"_Nope! I like being hugged by Tobi!" __Itachi answered stubbornly_

"_Oh, come __**on**__! I'll tell Tobi to leave you hug him! " _

"_OK THEN!" And the two ninjas jumped to the crammed bird._

_**End of Flashback**_

"But Tobi, that spells glamorous…" White Zetsu told him. He just changed place because he trusted Tobi. He was quite a good friend if you eliminate his stupidity and goodboyness.

:( "Yes but **still**! I missed you first kiss, Zetsu-san! I am such a bad boy!" Tobi regretted. Zetsu took some sympathy.

"No you are not, now, why you think Konan kissed **me**? And still it wasn't a proper kissBut still!I mean, It's not that I'm **pretty**!" (A/N:THAT'S B.S!) Both sides continued. Tobi gasped under his mask.

"WHAT!? But Zetsu-san! You are the hottest guy I've ever met!" Tobi blurted out.

Zetsu gave him a WTF stare.

"What!?" Black Zetsu said, startled.

Tobi didn't see what he had done wrong so he just shrugged.

"I still think you are hot, Zetsu-san…" Zetsu just thought and though and fought with himself over the thoughts.

As Zetsu though and fought and Tobi was simply singing a bunch of random stuff, Itachi was completely red in the face.

_Should I hug him? _The younger Uchiha thought._ I think…I will._

And then he reached for Tobi's waist. He hugged him closed as the singing ninja turned red under his mask.

"Itachi…kun??" He asked. Itachi looked up with a grin in his face.

"Yes Tobi?" "You are really warm, you know?" He told Itachi. Itachi kept smiling.

"You smell really nice…" Tobi suddenly reached mask to reveal his real identity to him. Itachi just gawped as looked at him. Tobi slid on his Sharingan. Had he fall for his cousin? Yeah, it seemed like it. Itachi didn't loosened the grip though. He actually made it tighter.

"You smell nice too, cousin." He said in a sweet voice.

"Thanks, Tachi-kun." Tobi said as he let the powerful, young Uchiha hug him.

**_Meanwhile, in the other bird…_**

"Konan, why **are** we surrounded by so many stupid people?" Pein asked the bluennet (XD). Konan was in the same position that Deidara, she was standing in the paper eagle's head wile Pein rested in the back.

"Dude, how am **I** supposed to know?" She asked Pein with an ignorant voice.

" Man, this was such a waist of time. I just came because I knew Zetsu was going to eat me in my sleep if I denied. We are going to get **so** sued for property destruction and for vandalizing. Not to mention that your fury attack killed the whole fucking audience and created emotional distress to the few that fled…" Pein commented heavily.

Konan didn't even twitched at her partner's remark. She did feel bad for killing people for the hell of it, but she didn't regret ripping Hidan into pieces. She had a clear mental picture and she started to chuckle.

"What now?" Pein asked annoyed. Konan glared at him and then he looked away muttering a "Sorry, ma'am…"

"Dude, now that you are speaking about what we are going to get sued on, Saso and DeiDei drugged and drunken up Death till he turned unconscious. Tachi told me Death slipped right through the whole **world**. I bet he is in China by now… " She said annoyed. Deidara heard his name being called and went near, to where Konan's eagle was flying.

"You said my name, hn?" He asked and Konan just shook his head. Sasori, that refused to be made fun of wile Kisame build him up **again**, was sitting down in the owl's head and was kicking his legs. He lifted his head up and looked at Konan.

"That's bullshit. I heard my name too, so spit it out." He said acidly. Konan looked at them wile frowning and then she clucked her tongue and looked infront.

"Tch, I only told him about you little "incident" with the poppy-seeded vodka." She told the pair of handsome ninjas that were hearing her. Sasori just grinned.

"You just didn't **see** him. He was so high and **so** wasted, he started to wobble like a fish on the floor." Sasori said calmly. Deidara wasn't laughing, but he really wanted to, because he was leading the bird's movements and if he lost concentration, they all died. Wel, it wasnt like he _cared_ but he just didnt want anybody dead.

"Yeah, man. He was really drunken and stuff. If we get caught we get to go to jail, though, hn." Deidara agreed with his transport partner. They exchanged glances.

"Man, I don't want to get sued. If they give me a for-life thingy, I would stay there till the world ends." Sasori told Konan warily. Konan just laughed.

"Yeah, as **if**…" She laughed at Sasori and his dumbness. They hadn't got caught yet for doing **worst** stuff other than drugging somebody else and the pair of idiots were worrying about that.

"But when we get to the hotel, we might need to nail planks to the windows. Just in case the F.B.I deiced to jump from helicopters, like the movies, you know. I mean, after all they are the **F.B.I **"Pein told the chatting threesome. They all looked at him with a "screw-you" face.

"No way in hell **I** am doing the job…" Sasori commented.

"No, Danna. We just need to tell Tobi that the Backyardigans, Elmo and Barney are going to come and give a concert and the work is done. Hn." Deidara explained his plan and Sasori smiled.

"You **had** to be **my** partner, brat." He said smartly.

"Yeap."

"Well. So it's decided, Pein and Tobi are doing the plank-nailing." Konan told. Pein looked at her with a fulminating face.

"I'm not planking anything."

"_**YES YOU ARE!**_"

"**NO IM NOT!**" Pein revealed himself against Konan.

**PUNCH**!

o.o"Yes ma'am..." Pein muttered before falling unconscious. DeiDei sweat-dropped.

"Tch, owned bitch…" Sasori commented to himself.

X-X-X-X

"Well, we are getting near to the Lair now, so I am going to tell my bodies to go over there and start the work." Pein told Sasori and Deidara a few minutes after waking up.

"Ok, but take your time because Tobi gets the work done quickly when he is scared, hn."

-.- U

"So Tobi is scared of...Discoverykid's fictional characters??" They all asked and DeiDei nodded.

"Yeap. He is mostly scared of the Backyardigans though. But have you seen them?! They are sorceresses and stuff. I mean, they can turn their backyard into a mansion if they so wished, hn!" Deidara spoke both, matter-of-factly and scared.

-.-U

"OOOOOKKKKKK…"

As the two pilots and their companions spoke, Hidan was whining like always.

"Oh shit, my ass hurts, Kakuzu you dip-shit. Why couldn't you find a thinner thread!? Now I've got a tremendous **ass**. **AND IS NOT FUNNY SO DON'T LAUGH!!**" Hidan was screaming at his partner that was laughing in his back (no, I mean, literally).

"Of course it is funny, man! You look like if your ass was pregnant!" Kakuzu was laughing madly and Hidan was boiling.

"IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY!"

"Guys…"

Kisame was receiving all of the yells and whines and screams and stuff.

"HIDAN! Would you just **SHUT UP**!? You _wanted_ pain, you **got** pain so **STOP FUCKING YELLING IN MY FACE**!" Kisame asked, pissed.

"Guys…"

"WELL, FISH-BOY SHIT-DIP! TELL **KAKUZU** TO STOP FUCKING LAUGHING, OR ELSE I WONT STOP!" Hidan screamed angrily in Kisame's ear.

"SHIT, KAKUZU STOP-"

"**GUYS, GODAMMIT!**" Zetsu screamed at the almost-back. They stopped screaming and looked at him. "Could you stop fighting!? Hidan, your ass looks fine for me, Kakuzu, stop being such an annoying bitch and Kisame, you just don't interfere with their fights."

Zetsu was trying to make them calm, but instead of that they screamed even louder.

"**AND WHO THE HELL YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL US TO SHUT UP!?" **All of them screamed. Zetsu just slapped his face.

"You know what? Whatever. Fuck you, screw yourself, sniff glue until you die, I really don't care but please, just shut the fuck up because you are scaring me, and Tobi." Zetsu informed. The three looked at him.

**Blink, blink**

"**FUCK YOU KAKUZU!"**

"**OH HIDAN, SHUT THE HELL UP!!"**

"**SCREW YOU KISAME, NO-ONE INVITED YOU TO OUR DISCUSION!"**

"Oh shit." Black Zetsu slapped his head again.

"This is hell, Zetsu-san." Tobi told Zetsu.

"I know Tobi, I know…" And they kept talking.

* * *

**Sorry this chapter doesn't have that many funny stuff, the thing is that the next chapter they are going to have a surprice in their ****sweet lair for once and for all! The next chapter is "I" so that means that will be the end of this story…**

…**Will it??**


	8. I is Is this the End?

A few minutes later, the infamous Akatsuki arrived to their Lair

**I'll be your host!**

**I is for Is this the End?**

**Is it? I don't know! It's not like I write the story or something…**

**Well I need to give a disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer!: I DON'T own Wallmart. I haven't even gone there since I don't live in the US. I don't own Naruto either and very sad of it… **

**Well, here the last chapter :"(**

A few minutes later, the infamous, vicious and **brave** Akatsuki's arrived to the Lair.

"LAND, LAND! **LAIR!** OH MY GOD! WE ARE DAMN ALIVE! THANKS NEPTUNE!" Kisame yelled as he kneeled and kissed the floor.

-.-U

Deidara jumped from the owl's head as it flapped its big, cream wings.

"Oof, that was quick enough, hn!" He told Sasori as he helped him down.

"Yeah, though it was even quicker when I wasn't conscious nor built up..." He gave Kisame an killer stare. "The fuckard is kissing the damned ground, how stupid..."

"YES! **YEEEES!** WE ARE ALIVE!" Kisame kept on screaming and kissing the ground and Tobi came near him.

"Kisame-san, does the ground taste good?" He asked and Kisame nodded.

"IT'S THE GREATEST FLAVOUR IN THE WORLD!! **AAHAHAHAHHAHAH!**" He started laughing hysterically, but Tobi hadn't noticed. He thought it was a nice laugh. He scratched his head and then kneeled next to the mad-laughing Kisame and then came very close to the ground.

**CLANK!**

"Damn! I can't do that with my mask on. Oh well. I guess ground-san will have to wait..." He told Kisame and then skipped away to where Pein was.

He had a pretty huge purple bump in his eye sticking out (o.O) as he got down from the paper eagle, that was being unfolded and reduced in size to fit in Konan's sleeve. Pein looked around to see their organization people talking.

"Well, people! Meeting! And no Zetsu, there is **no** meat for you. MEETING!" He yelled as all of the Akatsuki's gathered themselves underneath Deidara's bird's shade.

"What you want now, Pein!?" They all yelled.

"Nobody respect me T.T" He hanged his head and wept.

"Nope. Not at all." They all said. He looked at them all sadly and with a hint of anger. It was actually a rhetorical statement.

"**BUT I AM THE LEADER!**" He screamed sadly and all of the Akatsuki's just mumbled lots of black sarcastic comments and tched and pfted and waved a little with one hand in signal of disrespect to the disrespected "leader".

T.T

"Well, we need to make the planking job for us to be safe. Me and Tobi…" Konan smiled." …are going to do it. The rest of you close the curtains, shut the doors and hide all the vodkas, margaritas, whiskeys, bears, whines, rums, champagnes, strawberry cocktails, piña coladas, tequila shots and poppy seeds. You have and be useful in anything you can, and remember, hide **all** of your sick bastard stuff. **KISAME**. If not, you will be excluded. And then killed, of course." He said in a partially serious and partially happy voice.

"Shit, I think they've discovered me…" Kisame murmured to Kakuzu.

"Yo, they discovered you a fucking long time ago, man." This one responded. Kisame wondered.

"Well I wonder if they even know that I don't actually **drink** nor drug myself with that stuff. Alcohol is poisonous for my fishies, you know."

Ô.Ô

"You have fish inside…yourself!?" Kakuzu asked cautiously. Kisame started sweating as he started looking at different places, not making eye-contact with Kakuzu.

"I-I never said th-that…" He choked with his own tongue. Kakuzu had a great smirk in his face.

"DON'T YOU **DARE** TO FUCKING LAUGH! YOU FUCKING WEAR A GODAMED THO-" Kakuzu covered his mouth with his hand.

"You mind your own business and I'll mind mine…" He whispered because all of the Akatsuki's were looking at them with anger. Kisame waved a little with a fake, nervous smile on his face.

"Nothing is happening, lady and gents! Go on with the meeting! Akatsuki,** WHOO! **Hehe..he…" He screamed, nervously and he kept on laughing. They all looked at him oddly.

"Oh, whatever." They all said, only the three typical people that changed the "Oh" for a "Dude" that added a "hn" and a "fucking".

"YO, PEOPLES! **SHUT UP!**" Pein screamed to the people he was looking at. "Ok, so Itachi and Kisame, you hide the drinks and the drugs. Deidara and Sasori, you go buy the nails and the planks at Wallmart, and **NO** Sasori, you **CANNOT** buy new screws and paint.. Use money of your own. Hidan and Kakuzu, you go and help them carry whatever the fuck they buy and be sure no-one calls Deidara "lady" or "ma'am". Zetsu, you stay guarding the outsides of the Lair, since you are a weird plant-guy with the great surveillance powers…"

"T.T why did I had to be stereotyped like the plant-guy-spy guy?" Zetsu wept. Tobi heard and nudged him excitedly.

"Zetsu-san, Zetsu-san! That rhymes!!"

-.-U

"…Konan will help you as I go with Tobi to get the hammers and the heavy stuff." Zetsu felt his heart beat increase a little. Konan was looking at him with her usual bored and disinterested face. He made the plant shut slightly, so only his black and almost mouth-and-nose invisible part was the only one visible.

_Has she forgotten?I mean, it really didn't mean __**that**__ much, and Deidara says kisses are nothing serious andhe says they are to make themwith lots of chicks._ He thought. _Yeah, but still. It's not likeI actually __**like**__that policy thingy but Iguess I will have to deal with it if I must…_

Konan hadn't forgotten about it. She was stupefied with herself because she had crushes with the strangest guys in the world and what made it worst, she liked them all at the same time. First, she liked a guy that had piercings in his ass. Then, she liked a guy that had was a freaking puppet, but she knew it was just platonic love since he was already in love with another hot guy. And after **that**, she liked a very attractive plant-guy that was very kind and sensible (He is **MY** attractive, kind and sensible plant-guy…DON'T YOU TOUCH IT!).

"Well people, lets get cracking!" said Pein and with that, and a swoosh, all of the ninjas disappeared. Except for Zetsu and Konan. Zetsu dug himself in the ground the great way he always does and then appeared in the lair's wall.

"So what are we going to do?" Konan asked. She had appeared right in front of him. She looked at him straight into his eyes. She was separated only for a few centimeters from him. White Zetsu was panting quietly, he felt so hot inside his plant.

"Wait…" Black Zetsu said. They had their own strict policy about women. White Zetsu was too emotional with them, meaning he got stupid, so Black Zetsu, that was the calm and cool part, was the only one who could talk.

"And what are **you** waiting for?" She asked. Zetsu's temperature raised incredibly in those few seconds. He wasn't stupid, and got the message but he decided on playing the role.

"For somebody to appear for me to alert Pein." Konan **knew** he did know what she had meant and smirked. She turned slightly her head, as if she was going to turn around away, and that was what White Zetsu prayed but Black Zetsu really didn't wanted her to go. She wanted her to stay like that, just a few centimeters from his hot face, but she had turned away. In the last second, when Zetsu was convinced she was going to go after all, Konan grabbed him by the neck part of his cloak and pulled him close. He was caught in the middle of an air aspiration for a sight. Konan was kissing him hardly. Zetsu felt faint, like if he was going to fall from the wall. And in the end it turned out he did. He fell, with his fucking plant thingy, on Konan.

"Wha-wha…what the hell was **that**?" He asked weakly. He felt in heaven, he was in Konan's arms. She was stunned too, she hadn't even though about doing that her own self.

"I-I really don't know…" Was the only thing she could say.

**xxx**

"OH MY GOD! **PEPOL!!**" Pein screamed to the trio of ninjas that were sitting down, talking away. All of that wile Pein brought the hammer.

"What!?" They all questioned Pein, with a face of annoyance, except for Tobi, that was a good boy and asked nicely. "Can't you wait until we finish our tea?"

Pein looked **furious**. He wanted to rip them into pieces, break their heads with the hammer, smash them with one of his heavy-ass piercings-

Ok, I think you got the point.

"**FUCKING TEA MY ASS!!**" He screamed. Tobi formed his hand as if he were pointing to the ceiling.

"No, no, Pein-senpai, that's piercings. It's not our fault have piercings in your-**AHHHHH!** A PERFORATED PANDA IS CHASING ME!!" Tobi was being chased by Pein's sudden Kuchiyose no jutsu and then he looked at the happily talking Itachi.

"Itach…Kisame…you both go and do your work…Right. Fucking. Now." He said between gritted teeth. Both of the talking ninjas turned around with a dark frown.

"We already **did** the work…" Pein gave a very basic, but angry, look around in the room and found no more than **5** bottles of alcohol.

"Oh, hell yeah, you did a great-**NO! SHIT ON ME!! YOU BOTH SUCK AT THIS!**" He screamed. There was one bottle of beer being indiscreetly covered by a plant. A rum one that was stuck with masking tape to the wall and then covered by a pillow, and it was pretty crappy covered. A little tequila bottle in the table, right next to the tea Kisame was drinking, with the top un-screwed (Yeah, alcohol is bad to your fish, my ass…) and two bottles of apple vodka, one hanging from the wall, besides the paintings, and another one hanging from the **ceiling**.

Itachi and Kisame then stood up and started getting the bottles from their stupid places and then hid them in places as equally as stupid as the ones before.

"NO" Pein said annoyed.

They hid them again.

"Noooo…"

They tried again.

"HELL NO! AND IF THEY TURN ON THE VENTILATOR! WHAT!? NO! YOU CAN'T HIDE IT UP MY **ASS**, YOU FUCK HEAD!!"

And they did that for about 10 full minutes and the answer was always the same. They were both on their boiling points. Until they suddenly couldn't stand it anymore.

"**YOU KNOW WHAT PEIN?! FUCK IT! YOU KNOW!? SCREW THE FUCKING F.B.I AND THEIR FUCKING HELICOPTERS!! AS IF THOSE FUCKTARDS WERE ACTUALLY WERE GOING TO FUCKING COME! F.B.I MY FUCKING ASS!!**" They screamed as they dropped the bottles on the floor and threw them out of the window with great strength. With the I-am-so-fucking-mad-at-you strength.

"**WHAT?!**" Pein gawped at the pair of furious ninjas.

**CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK!**

"FUCK! WHO THE HELL WAS IT! I SAID, **WHO THE FUCKING HELL WAS IT!!**" A scream was heard from bellow.

"Oh shit!" The three Akatsuki's said quickly as they ran out of the room.

…

"AW **GREAT**! NOW IM BEING CHASED BY A PANDA BEAR AND IT'S SON!" Tobi screamed as the piercinged panda suddenly produced a smaller, and a much fiercer, one.

**xxx**

Hidan stood there with his fist punching the air in anger. He was covered with reeking alcohol, leaking from his hair and lots of tiny bits of glass stuck in his head. And Kakuzu was shiting in his pants laughing. Sasori was annoyed as hell because the apple vodka missed his head by a few centimeters and his legs were covered in apple smell.

"Aw man. Now I smell like Apple-shortcake…' He moaned. Deidara looked at him with awe.

"Woah. I didn't know that one actually existed, hn." He said, fascinated. Sasori slapped his head in frustration.

"No. Deidara. It **doesn't** exist." He said clearly and s-l-o-w-l-y. Deidara ahhhed and nodded.

"Well, at least the glass fell on Hidan, and not on us. Hidan can resist some pain, hn." He stated afterwards.

"SHIT! NOW I SMELL LIKE DEIDARA AND ITACHI LATE AT NIGHT!" Hidan bellowed in anger, making all of the people (except for Kakuzu, that fled to the toilet before his pants gave in and brake from so much weeing and shiting he had done that day…) jump. Deidara shrugged, he knew he could get pretty bad with beer at night. Hidan took of his cloak, exposing his chest and violently pulling the bloody glass bits out of his head. Deidara stood there, looking. He thought of the hotness of half-naked Hidan. Hidan looked at him back.

"What!?" He asked, but Deidara couldn't get off of the trance.

Soon enough, Kakuzu returned.

"Deidara, I took a pair of your pants. You mind?" Kakuzu told him as he lifted his cloak and turned his leg, revealing the cross-stitched, skin-tight, three-quarters, **pink** pair of pants he had on. Deidara sweated.

"What the…" And Hidan busted. Kakuzu wanted to laugh, but he knew Hidan was laughing at him.

_I wonder why he likes to laugh at me so much…_ He thought.

"The-they are not mine, Kakuzu. Yo-you must have confused…" Deidara said inconvincibly. Kakuzu frowned and took off his cloak to take a look at the back rim of the pants.

PROPERTY OF DEIDARA_THE BRAT AND HE IS MINE, SO YOU BETTER DON'T TOUCH HIM!_

It read. The thin and slanted writing was tidy and nice, as if a careful and perfectionist person had written it. Kakuzu raised an brow.

"Yeah! Hell it is, it even-" He called, but Deidara was already on the move.

"LETS GET GOING, HN!" He called over his back and the rest followed him.

They all arrived to Wallmart a few minutes later. People smelled the wet Hidan and fled. Fangirls came over to him, Sasori and Deidara, asking for autographs and, in some cases, kisses. Sasori signed and kissed only **one** girl. Deidara made out with every girl he found and Sasori smacked him several times.

"_One more girl, AND NO SEX TONIGHT!_" He hissed and Deidara stopped kissing people. No one even recognized Kakuzu.

Deidara looked around the whole shop and found a teenager. He asked the guy, that was near the Do-It-Yourself section, where could they find the best wood planks.

"Well, miss-" Hidan, Sasori and Kakuzu turned violently their heads to where Deidara and the guy were. The guy kept on talking, and Deidara had shut his eyes with his fists tight.

"**FUCKING FLEEEEE!**" Hidan screamed as he ran with all of his strength from the kitchen knives section and threw himself over Kakuzu and Sasori that were too scared to move. They all fell with a thump and a crack on their asses and turned and turned and turned, still in their asses, until they got out of the shop's door.

…

And then…

"IM NOT A WOMAAAAAN, HN!!"

**BOOOOM!**

Wallmart blew into pieces.

"There goes lunch, the planks and my dignity." Sasori said. His head had rolled of the last second and he was asking Kakuzu if he could help him back.

"Thanks for saving us, Hidan." They both said. He gave a pretty broad grin. He was the one that had broken his ass-bone.

"If I want to see somebody being blown up or ripped to pieces, then I rather let it be me." He said in a humble voice. Kakuzu looked with a sad smile to the floor.

"What? What happened?" Hidan asked.

"Oh. Nothing. Is just…nobody likes me…" He said sadly. Hidan patted him in the shoulder.

"I do…" He said nicely. Kakuzu's eyes opened several centimeters before smiling.

"I like you to, Hidan…" And they both hugged.

O.O "Now, did I miss something?" Sasori said as he screwed his head better to his shoulders.

"Not **too** much." They said and then a few cracks and frubles were heard.

"Let's see if that serves them well, hn!" They heard Deidara screaming. He was getting out of the pile of wooden crap he was trapped in.

"DeiDei you **had** to blow Wallmart up?" Sasori said. Dediara blushed and turned docile and calm.

"I'm sorry, Danna, hn…" He said. He loved when Sasori called him DeiDei. It was his nickname and he wondered how Itachi knew it.

"Well, the thing is that **YOU** are telling Pein about this." Sasori told his partner. Deidara panicked.

"WHAT!? BUT PEIN IS GOING TO **KILL** ME!" He shouted. Sasori shrugged.

"Then why the hell you blow Wallmart up?" He asked.

"Fuck. Im screwed, hn."

"You are, indeed."

"Thanks, Hidan, hn."

"Anytime."

**xxx**

"Pein, I'm sorry but they called me a fucking "miss", hn." Deidara told Pein, that was in a fucked up mood.

"Oh my god…" He stretched his face with his hand in frustration. "And what the hell are we going to do now?" He asked annoyed.

"I don't **know**! Well, maybe we can buy locks, hn?" He proposed. A lightbulb lit on Pein's head.

"Yeah! Why **didn't** I thought of **that** before!" He said. Kakuzu's eyes gleamed an then he opened his cloak pair-in-pair and there were locks, cell-phones, maps, bubblegum a cat and a microwave.

"All of these locks for 20 bucks, no more! **Cof, cof** nor les **cof, cof**" He announced. Pein looked at him and slapped his face. He was holding hands with Hidan.

"Oh fuck it…" And then he ruffled his pocket. 5 bucks with 25 cents, bubble gum a fork and picture of a girl with pink hair with green eyes. He smiled nervously and ruffled it in his pocket again.

"Deidara blew the fucking shop, so **he** is paying the damn rest!" He yelled when Kakuzu shook his head when he offered the money.

"Damn, hn…" And the blonde ruffled his own pocket. He had 18 dollars. Kakuzu's eyes turned into dollar symbols.

"Ok! I'll accept that!" he said as he snatched the money from Pein's and Deidara's hand.

"Hey! That's more than-"

"Shut up and help me install the locks." Pein cut Deidara off as he pulled him by the neck part of his black cloak. Kakuzu started counting the money.

"Woah. I told you, Hidan! Locks **were** a good idea!"

"Yeah, I guess you are right, shit-dip." He answered as he pulled Kakuzu's hand and lead him inside the Hotel.

"Hey! Don't leave me standing here!" Sasori yelled as he ran with them.

**-x-x-x-x-**

It was night, around 8pm and the Akatsuki's had **just** finished installing the locks all around the hotel.

"Few, that took fucking **ages**." Hidan commented to Kakuzu.

"Well, I still won some money…" This one responded.

"Well, guys we finished?" Pein told. He was happy and sad. Both at the same time.

Flashback

_Pein, Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu and Hidan had just got in and started installing the locks when Konan walked inside, talking with Zetsu._

"_Hey guys! Good news!!" Zetsu waved his right hand. Only it didn't wave alright because Konan's was tangled in it._

_Pein wanted to do two things. One, felicitate Zetsu because he was his friend although he hated himself for allowing him the entrance to Akatsuki and two, kill himself. And him._

_He thought about it a wile. And then he went over to him._

"_Congratulations! Its nice you finally have a girlfriend!" He told as he shook Zetsu's free hand. White Zetsu, that was hidden by Alice, was crying. _

"_Thanks…" He said._

_All of the Akatsuki's there came and talked away to Zetsu and Konan, telling them how happy they were. Tobi was tired in the corner on the room but stood up and called Kisame and Itachi. Tobi and Itachi held hands. Sasori and Deidara did the same. And Kakuzu and Hidan did the same as well. Except for Kisame and Pein, that they had discovered they were to only ones that said __**NO**__ to gaysome._

"_I mean, it's not __**bad**__ being gay, you know. It's just…I like this other pink-haired chick…" Pein told Kisame. Kisame nodded._

"_Oh, I know who it is! She is called Haruno Sakura, she used to be Itachi's little brother's friend…" Kisame told Pein._

"_Oh, if you get to see Sakura, tell her I want to meet her someday!" Pein spoke and Kisame nodded again._

"_Ok." And they went off to talk to someone else._

_**End of Flashback**_

They had all finished. Except for **one** single place.

Zetsu sensed some foreign chakra outside the Hotel.

"Guys, are you sure we had put all of the locks?" He asked. Pein looked at him with a questioning look.

"Why, what is it? "

"Oh no…" Kakuzu said.

"**THE DOOR!**" Tobi and Hidan yelled as they pointed to the main entrance door. Zetsu was sensing the chakra getting near.

"**FUCK!**" Pein screamed as he ran in slow-motion to the door, with a lock in his hand.

"It's getting on the doormat and reaching for the bell!" Zetsu screamed.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!" Pein said in slow-motion.

**RING!**

"SHIT!" He said as he stood up. He eased the cloth of his, now dirty, cloak.

'Yes? Who is it?" He saw threw the little security camera television.

"Uh…It's us! Is this the house were Nagato Fuuma lives?" A feminine voice called. Pein boiled.

"It's. Pein. Not. NAGATO." He called between gritted teeth.

"Well, still. Did he live here or still does?" Another happier voice asked.

"Yeah."

"C-can you open up the d-door?" A shyer one said.

"Oh! Sure!" Pein said happily.

Kakuzu slapped his face.

"Asshole…" He muttered.

And as he opened the door, three girls with simple dresses handed him a plain white invitation with a thin golden border in the upper part of it.

"Congratulations, Akatsuki's! You are invited to this year's Emmy's awards!" A pink haired girl with a pink dress said.

"In this invitation you should find the date and place where you should go!" Another girl with spiky and tied blonde hair said with a great smile on her face.

"An-and remember this is a ca-casual invitation so you should wear tux-tuxedos. And dresses for the la-lady…" A much shyer girl in a navy dress told them. They were all wearing big golden earrings and tall golden, **classy**, sandals. Pein saw that the pink-haired was Sakura so he started blushing.

He kept on looking.

"Would you go out with me to the Emmy's?" He spoke his thoughts unconsciously. Sakura looked at him, startled.

"Yeah! That would be great!"

"You know were it is?" He asked.

"Yeah…" she said, she was squealing happily inside.

Kisame got near to the door. He immediately fell in love with Hinata and Temari.

"And you, ladies…" he said with a grin. Temari and Hinata gave him a nervous smile.

"You want to go with **me**?" He asked and they both nodded happily. The three girls were happily squealing and jumping up and down. Kisame took a blue and casual business card he had inside of his cloak.

"Call me, I'll tell you were we meet." He handed it to the three girls, because Pein didn't have any cards.

"That would be bitchin'." Sakura and Temari said.

"Hell yeah…" And then the girls left, talking excitedly.

"Tch, I am the ladies man…" Kisame told Pein.

"And **I** am the happiest guy in the planet." He said. He couldn't believe it.

He turned around to where the rest of the Akatsuki's had been watching, because they couldn't hear all of the talk.

"**WE ARE FUCKING INVITED TO THE EMMY'S!!**" Pein screamed and all of the Akatsuki's cheered and danced and squealed and gave little gay jumps and stuff.

"But **why** are we invited to them, hn?" Deidara wondered.

"Well, I guess that the camera girl, over at what it used to be the studio, liked the thing so he send it to the Emmy judges. I don't know, Deidara! We are FUCKING INVITED TO THE EMMY"S! Why should you worry!?" Pein tried to answer. Deidara gave a smile.

"Hell, yeah. I bet we are going to fucking win, BITCHEEES!" Hidan screamed happily.

"Yeah, we need to get ready!" Sasori said.

"We are going to be famous!" Itachi and Tobi yelled excitedly.

"And we are going to be happy!" Zetsu and Konan said called.

"We are going to win loads of money!" Kakuzu spoke.

"And my art will extend world wide!" Deidara told the rest.

"And I am the happiest guy in the world!" Kisame and Pein sang.

"OH HELL YEAH, MAN!" They all screamed.

**Yeah! SOO this is the end of this story :(**

**Though there will be a super cool sequel :P**

**Check out, its going to be called "Emmy's the Akatsuki style" **

**When I have started it I will send alerts, no worries :)**

**Glad you liked the story!**

**-Lauren**


	9. Dear fans SEQUEL IS UP!

Saturday morning, I was laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling

**To all the kick ass fans of this crap I call a story, the sequel is UUUUP! Its called Emmy's the Akatsuki style so, whatever you do, check it out :3 I hope you like it!**

**-Lauren**


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